Friday, March 19, 2004
spanking
Another story from the 9 week foster/adoptive parenting class:
An entire class was devoted to the do's and don'ts of discipline. The State Child Protection Agency has a VERY CLEARLY and REPETIVELY stated policy that "physical discipline methods" (spanking) are strictly forbidden to use with children in the foster care system. The State quite reasonably assumes that these kids have been through enough and they shouldn't be hit, not even in the gentle guiding way of a spanking.
Well, as we live in a society that still is stuck in the whole stupid punishment to mantain social order paradigm (which will be a very lengthy rant indeed should I ever get sufficiently liquoured up to unleash that beast), many people think that it is not only okay to spank your children, but something that should be done as a form a discipline.
As I am neither a hick nor an idiot, I do not entertain such beliefs. I find it difficult to suffer those who do.
Many of the suburban Mr. and Mrs. Joe Shlubs in our class are not so forward thinking. We knew this going into the class on discipline. The Wife and I had a good talk beforehand where she convinced me that perhaps this would be one of the classes where it would be best for me to simply smile and nod.
For an hour or so, the Instructor repeatedly went over the rules for disciplining children in the foster care system. This lesson was peppered with comments such as "I was spanked as a child, and I turned out just fine" or "some kids need to be spanked to get their attention" or the more ridiculous "some kids are asking for it". To review, the instructor asked if it was okay to ever spank a child.
I just couldn't take it anymore. If I held my tongue any longer I would have bitten it in half.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO STRIKE, SPANK, OR OTHERWISE HIT A CHILD. IT IS NOT OKAY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER!"
As I was stepping up on my soapbox, I caught a glance from The Wife. I recalled our previous conversation. All eyes were upon me. I simply stopped talking.
There was an awkward moment of silence. The Instructor acknowledged the passion of my beliefs while saying something supportive about my comments.
Then one of the Dan's spoke. There were three Dan's in this class. All fairly interchangable. This Dan has two biological children: an 8 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. He was sitting directly across a table from me.
"The last time I had to spank my boy he was jumping around and he jumped right on his sister's stomach. He almost hurt her real bad."
I'm sure he felt my stare. With neither hint nor clue of irony he continued,
"Well, how else I am supposed to teach him that it's not okay to hurt people?"
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An entire class was devoted to the do's and don'ts of discipline. The State Child Protection Agency has a VERY CLEARLY and REPETIVELY stated policy that "physical discipline methods" (spanking) are strictly forbidden to use with children in the foster care system. The State quite reasonably assumes that these kids have been through enough and they shouldn't be hit, not even in the gentle guiding way of a spanking.
Well, as we live in a society that still is stuck in the whole stupid punishment to mantain social order paradigm (which will be a very lengthy rant indeed should I ever get sufficiently liquoured up to unleash that beast), many people think that it is not only okay to spank your children, but something that should be done as a form a discipline.
As I am neither a hick nor an idiot, I do not entertain such beliefs. I find it difficult to suffer those who do.
Many of the suburban Mr. and Mrs. Joe Shlubs in our class are not so forward thinking. We knew this going into the class on discipline. The Wife and I had a good talk beforehand where she convinced me that perhaps this would be one of the classes where it would be best for me to simply smile and nod.
For an hour or so, the Instructor repeatedly went over the rules for disciplining children in the foster care system. This lesson was peppered with comments such as "I was spanked as a child, and I turned out just fine" or "some kids need to be spanked to get their attention" or the more ridiculous "some kids are asking for it". To review, the instructor asked if it was okay to ever spank a child.
I just couldn't take it anymore. If I held my tongue any longer I would have bitten it in half.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO STRIKE, SPANK, OR OTHERWISE HIT A CHILD. IT IS NOT OKAY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER!"
As I was stepping up on my soapbox, I caught a glance from The Wife. I recalled our previous conversation. All eyes were upon me. I simply stopped talking.
There was an awkward moment of silence. The Instructor acknowledged the passion of my beliefs while saying something supportive about my comments.
Then one of the Dan's spoke. There were three Dan's in this class. All fairly interchangable. This Dan has two biological children: an 8 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. He was sitting directly across a table from me.
"The last time I had to spank my boy he was jumping around and he jumped right on his sister's stomach. He almost hurt her real bad."
I'm sure he felt my stare. With neither hint nor clue of irony he continued,
"Well, how else I am supposed to teach him that it's not okay to hurt people?"
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