Sunday, September 28, 2008
guitar hero
Well, my dear reader, it seems as though the time has come for me to make a confession.
And I'll be honest, this is a difficult thing for me to do.
But, in the interest of full disclosure, and continuing what is nothing less than a tradition of total honesty and full disclosure within the confines of this humble blog, I must tell you this:
I have spent much of the past eight hours or so playing Guitar Hero II.
There, I've admitted it.
I wish no more to admit than I did to waste a huge chunk of a Sunday playing the freakin' video game. But both are equally true.
And yes, I rocked.
Damn skippy.
I avoided it for as long as possible. Like you, my dear reader, I have seen the ads on television and thought to myself, "Why, that's just fucking stupid." or "How fucking lame is that?"
Why would anyone waste their time pretending to play guitar, mashing buttons, pretending to rock, when they could be playing a real guitar and actually rocking? As I have several of the real guitars with which to rock, the question seemed all the more irrelevant.
Until the middle of this afternoon.
About a week or so ago The Nurse's kids left the game along with the mini Gibson SG controller at my house when they came over to play with The Boy. It sat untouched on the floor and then on a shelf.
Well, The Wife and The Boy left town for the weekend, leaving me alone to explore, experience, and enjoy my vices. And let's be honest, after a day or so even that gets boring.
I saw it sitting there. I picked it up and plugged it in.
Granted, I took the occasional break to rant and to eat Chicken McNuggets and pound a few post tailgate hangover tallboys of Lone Star (you know, that whole vices thing), but still. . .
I tuned in, turned it on, and man did I ever drop out.
And yes, I rock!
(As if there was ever a doubt.)
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'atta boy dave
Much like you doubtlessly have done, my dear reader, I have been watching Dave for about as long as there has been a Dave to watch, if you know what I mean. Granted, I'm no longer the regular viewer I was back in the '80's, but who is?
In today's TV world I'm much more likely to spend my last couple of weekday waking hours with Stewart and Colbert on the DVR after putting The Boy to bed.
This is an aside, so indulge me please, my dear reader, but thinking of Letterman most always reminds me of leaving "Pitcher Night" at the Tavern in the Union after countless mugs of Shiner Bock every Thursday night to stagger back across campus to the dorm in time for Dave. I'm sure you remember, back in the day when Leno was a guest, not a competitor and still funny. It just makes me want to say to all those buried in the ground, God knows I wish you were around to laugh and cuss about what's going down.
Maybe that's part of the reason why I don't watch him so much anymore.
That being said, Dave's still the man.
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In today's TV world I'm much more likely to spend my last couple of weekday waking hours with Stewart and Colbert on the DVR after putting The Boy to bed.
This is an aside, so indulge me please, my dear reader, but thinking of Letterman most always reminds me of leaving "Pitcher Night" at the Tavern in the Union after countless mugs of Shiner Bock every Thursday night to stagger back across campus to the dorm in time for Dave. I'm sure you remember, back in the day when Leno was a guest, not a competitor and still funny. It just makes me want to say to all those buried in the ground, God knows I wish you were around to laugh and cuss about what's going down.
Maybe that's part of the reason why I don't watch him so much anymore.
That being said, Dave's still the man.
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Saturday, September 27, 2008
wtf?
As David Bowie sang, this is not America.
". . . asking Missouri law enforcement to target anyone who lies or runs a misleading television ad. . . "
So is Missouri gonna arrest McCain? It's a fucking Presidential campaign. The whole system is based on lies and misleading ads. That's how the game is played.
". . . they will be reminding voters that Barack Obama is a Christian who wants to cut taxes. . . "
Well okay then, Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
". . . we don't won't people to get distracted. . . by these divisive character attacks. . . "
No, don't get distracted. Watch the pendulum, you're getting sleepy, very sleepy.
This is crap.
So much for the First Amendment in Missouri.
Obama has turned out to be a big disappointment. "Hope"? "Change"?
My ass. He's a douchebag.
That's right. I just called Obama a douchebag. I had just better not say it in Missouri.
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". . . asking Missouri law enforcement to target anyone who lies or runs a misleading television ad. . . "
So is Missouri gonna arrest McCain? It's a fucking Presidential campaign. The whole system is based on lies and misleading ads. That's how the game is played.
". . . they will be reminding voters that Barack Obama is a Christian who wants to cut taxes. . . "
Well okay then, Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
". . . we don't won't people to get distracted. . . by these divisive character attacks. . . "
No, don't get distracted. Watch the pendulum, you're getting sleepy, very sleepy.
This is crap.
So much for the First Amendment in Missouri.
Obama has turned out to be a big disappointment. "Hope"? "Change"?
My ass. He's a douchebag.
That's right. I just called Obama a douchebag. I had just better not say it in Missouri.
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Friday, September 26, 2008
the drinking debate
Obama vs. McCain.
Live blogging. Trying something new.
Automatic drinking buzzwords:
bailout
Wall Street or for us common folks, Main Street
when McCain says "my friends"
when Obama says "hope" or "change"
as it is supposed to be about foreign policy: "surge", "terror" (including with suffixes such as "-ists" and "=isms"
package
Other buzzwords as they become obvious.
Let's go.
Lehrer starting with an Ike quote, too bad it's not about the whole "industrial=military complex" thing.
Obama speaking.
Drink. Drink.
McCain.
Says Ed Kennedy still in hospital. Wrong. Drink. His advisers aren't watching cable news? Before this debate started the cable news channels all reported that Kennedy was released from the hospital so he could go home to watch this very debate. McCain knew. He's sympathetically pandering. That's an ultimate asshole action. Drink at least twice.
Main street. Drink.
"the end of the beginning of the crisis"? Holy Fuck. It's just getting worse.
Wait, did Mr. Drillmore just say end dependence on oil?
Lehrer: Do you guys like the plan?
Obama, "how did we get here? This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife."
McCain saw the trainwreck coming? Wasn't he part of it back with Keating around '85? Called for resignation of SEC chairman? No, said he would fire him. Lie. Drink.
New buzzwords to drink: accountability, responsiblility (and their variations).
So drink like three or four times.
"Fundamentals of economy are sound"? Slam your beer.
McCain, Main Street. Drink.
McCain, America, America, blah blah blah. Shut up and drink.
(pause to pee and to thank the Divine Entity of your choice for the miracle of DVR)
McCain, spending's out of control? How much do the wars you support cost?
Oooh, just tried a lame joke about bear DNA. Didn't fly. Drink. He pulled out a pen as a prop and he's holding it like he's Bob fucking Dole. A prop? He's fucking Carrot Top? Drink.
Obama's turn.
New buzzword for this part of debate: earmarks.
Drink. Drink. Drink.
On McCain like you're Bevis, "He he, he he. He said pork."
McCain was called "The Sheriff", didn't win "Ms. Congeniality"? Lame, lame, lame. Drink once to The Sheriff and again to not Ms. Congeniality.
An observation. Just to buck conventional wisdom. On the stage in this debate, McCain is on the left, Obama is on the right.
Lehrer just told McCain to answer Obama directly. Go Lehrer. Rope and rule these bitches.
New buzzword: pork.
So drink. And then drink again.
McCain changing the subject. Asks Obama to define "rich". Potential new buzzword. Get your beverage ready.
Obama just shifted to healthcare. Isn't this debate about foreign policy? That's lame Mr. Obama. Drink.
McCain just said the word "festooned". That's a slam the rest of your drink word. Why? Because it's "festooned".
Why are they talking about tax breaks for oil companies? Both busy twisting each others words and spinning the context. Bastards.
Lehrer. Back on topic. The "financial rescue plan". (Wait, again, what happened to foreign policy?)
Obama. 1) Enery independence. Drink. I think. I don't remember. 2) Fix healthcare. Fuck yeah, but blah de fucking blah. 3) Education. Go Mr. Generic! We all want smart kids.
McCain. 1) Spend less. Obama's a liberal. So he spends more? Opposes ethanol subsidies? Good-bye midwestern corn state vote. What? Too much defense spending? Ah, too many cost over-runs. Blah blah blah, people went to federal prison. He's said that several times tonight.
New McCain drinking buzzword: federal prison.
Is he projecting?
Obama talking about Medicare. Hmm. . . Government health care issues affects me hard. The Boy gets straight Medicaid. Don't fuck with it.
McCain wants to freeze spending.
Obama gets a zinger line: "using a hatchet when you should be using a scalpel" Boo-yah! Drink!
McCain just called for nuclear power? Are we back in the '70's? Ooooh, first mention of "climate change". That's always a drinking buzzword. So drink.
Lehrer just asked if the financial crisis would effect the proposed budgets when either dude is President. Lehrer takes a hit for failing to recognize the obvious. Drink two.
McCain. Back to Obama healthcare and socialized medicine.
Once again, isn't this the foreign policy debate? Blah blah blah blah.
McCain, we owe China 500 billion. Good point. Let's talk about that. Nope. Drink 500 billion.
Again, McCain said he's not Ms. Congeniality. And he ain't no Sandra Bullock. Drink. Said he was a Maverick. I thought that was James Garner. Drink. His partner's a maverick? His partner's James Garner? Is that a gay thing? Drink at least two. And then one more the possible gay thing.
Lehrer steers it back to foreign policy. Iraq blah de blah.
McCain. Right idea, wrong implemention. Change strategy. Great general, "surge" implication? Succeed. Succeed. Damn Iranian bastards.
Obama. Iraq. I told you no, gah-damnit. We only half-way kicked ass in Afghanistan. First use of the word "trillion". Drink. On the war, not the "bailout". Drink. Oops, I said "bailout". Drink.
McCain. The Obama oversight committee not meeting with Petraeus thing.
Obama. "that's Senate inside baseball".
First mention of America's pastime. Drink and eat a fucking hot dog. Then go buy a Chevy. But make it a hybrid Chevy.
Oooh, Obama's getting testy about McCain's Iraq ideas. "Obama doesn't understand the difference between a tactic and a strategy." Okay, explain it to me. Nope, going to freedom, liberty blah, blah, blah.
This is finally starting to turn into a good bar argument between the two guys sitting across from you at the Horseshoe. Lehrer's backing off and just letting the guys bitch at each other. Fun. Drink. Big fun. Drink again.
Obama understands the difference between tactics and strategy. Will one of them please explain it to me, in the context of Iraq.
Okay, now it's devolved to McCain saying more in Iraq and Obama saying more in Afghanistan.
McCain snuck in the name Osama bin Laden a couple of times. Osama? Obama? Ah! You secret Muslim. Drink.
(pause. pee break and a refill. thank you DVR)
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
Just unpaused the DVR. CRASH. boot. Damn you Time Warner bastards!
The boys were sparring. They was talkin'bout Iraq. They was talkin'bout Afghanistan. Were they gonna mention the simmering border skirmish issue with Pakistan? The Pakistanis have been shooting at our helicopters as they "patrol" across the border for the past week or so. Probably not. But I'll never know. At least not until I watch the highlight cable "news" shows later this weekend.
Again I say, fuck.
__________
Back on. Straight up nine o'clock. Obama's wearing a bracelet? Pussy. Wait. I'm wearing a bracelet. One I bought on the streets of Nuevo Laredo about eight years ago. Pure silver my ass. What did I expect for a dollar?
Huh? Obama said something about terrorists sending out videotapes. You mean the ones from the IntelCenter? You know the place that's run by those former Pentagon/DOD spook guys that have the whole Al-Qaeda logos and shit added at the same time as the IntelCenter ones? Google it, my dear reader. Puzzling evidence.
Now they're scrapping! Drink. Just for the fun of it! This thing is finally getting interesting.
Oh. Now Lehrer jumped in with some good news / bad news thing.
Lehrer: Iran.
McCain. Iran. Nukes. Bad. Don't threaten Israel. No second Holocaust. Who's calling for that? Over dramatic. Drink. He wants a League of Democracies? Didn't Wilson try that like about 90 years ago. Iranians putting IEDs in Iraq. Yeah. Maybe Lieberman can show up and remind McCain about that whole Shi'ite/Sunni thing.
Obama. Iran. They're bad. They're badder because of our last eight years policies. He won't let nobody fuck with Israel.
Call me cynical, but are they both pandering this desperately for Florida?
McCain can't pronounce the name of Iran's president. Drink. Neither can I, right now. Drink. But he did okay with a bunch of Russian commie sounding names. Drink to show your support of an old man's ability to pronounce foreign names.
Obama just brought up Kissinger as a McCain advisor. And Brzezinski is an Obama advisor. As an aside: I am working on the hypothesis that world events and American foreign policy since World War II is nothing but a game between between Kissinger and Brzezinski. That is a topic for another time.
Sorry, lost my focus. Drink. Now back to the debate.
This section's buzzword: preconditions.
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
Oooh, McCain just said "my friend". It was in reference to Kissinger, but he said it twice. So drink twice.
New question. Russia.
Love the vodka, hate the potential war.
That's my answer. Not the candidates, although they both look like a Stoli shot would do them good right now.
Obama's spouting the whole Russia is the aggressor line. No, Georgia started it. Lie. Drink. Drink again if you think this involves Atlanta.
Oooh, drink just because Obama said "Latvia". Isn't that where the Andy Kaufman character on 'Taxi' came from? Something about nukes and Al Qaeda. Terror! Be afraid. Be very afraid. Drink. Drink your fears away.
McCain. Russian aggression against Georgia? Again, Georgia fucking started it! McCain is a lying bastard. Drink. Twice. Lie. Drink. Looked in Putin's eyes and saw three letters? "K G B"? Groovy line. Wow, didn't Bush see a good guy when he did that? Russian intentions towards Georgia? How would the US react if the Russians put anti-missile systems in Mexico and Canada?
They are both essentially on the same page on this. They are both tools and douchebags, at least in regards to this issue. But that's an editorial opinion and not the unbiased factual reporting I had hoped this long live-blogging rant would be. I apologize.
Obama is still rambling on. Drink every time either one says "Putin". It sounds funny and a little dirty. So drink.
Obama just turned this back to energy and gas prices. Great non-linear transition. Drink for style points.
McCain rambles on about off-shore drilling and something about something with the word that sounds like "Lugar". Senator? Drink.
Two minutes each left.
Another 9/11?
Don't get me started. Too late, I've already been started. So drink. Read back in the archives of this humble blog for more.
McCain talks about the Commission. Why no mention of WTC 7 in their official report? He's a douchebag. Drink. Drink. Drink.
Obama says were safer, airports, potential targets, chemical sites, transits, ports. Transits? Oh, a suitcase nuke is gonna get us. Please save us Keifer Sutherland. Al-Qaeda. In 60 countries. How many are we in? I'll bet we're still winning.
Obama: "Restore America's Standing in The World". Yes, capital letters because it's a great slogan. Meaningless, because really, what does that mean? But is sure as fuck sounds cool and looks great on a bumper sticker.
McCain just said something about "blood and sacrifice from America's treasury" or something like that. Another meaningless jingoistic phrase that sounds pretty cool and looks great on a bumper sticker. So drink.
Then drink again because this whole thing is getting annoying.
Closing remarks?
I hope.
Obama mentioned Osama. Risky. Apparently they are both still out there. Well, one of them is. One's probably not. Again, Google it for yourself if you're curious. We're spending 10 bil a month on the wars? Yeah, and I remember when 50 thou a year would buy a lot of beer.
McCain has been involved in every National Security challenge for the past 20 some years. Brought back up the lie about "Russian aggression". Drink. Just dissed dubya's regime. Oooh, what a maverick. He loves the vets. I'm sure he'll be hugging that guy holding the cardboard sign while he stands at the intersection on the freeway bridge near my house tomorrow.
Obama. Dad from Kenya. Yes, yes, son of a goat-herder. Lame. Drink. Really lame. Drink again. Ramble, ramble, blah, blah.
McCain. I was a POW. Drink. So was Rambo and we know how he dealt with it. So drink again. Wait, maybe McCain is still searching for his Richard Crenna. Drink again.
McCain knows how to heal the wounds of war. Yes, so do I. Drinking together. So raise your glass high and let's celebrate the fact that this bitch is finally in the can.
Oooh. . . next week, the Veep Challenge! America's first and favorite potential VPILF vs. some Abe Simpsonesque rambling old guy.
Post debate/game show starting now. Yikes! Chris Matthews! He just called McCain "grumpy". What was it The Police that sang, "truth hits everybody"?
Time to step outside and go listen to Woody Guthrie.
I too, own a machine that kills fascists.
Let's jam.
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Live blogging. Trying something new.
Automatic drinking buzzwords:
bailout
Wall Street or for us common folks, Main Street
when McCain says "my friends"
when Obama says "hope" or "change"
as it is supposed to be about foreign policy: "surge", "terror" (including with suffixes such as "-ists" and "=isms"
package
Other buzzwords as they become obvious.
Let's go.
Lehrer starting with an Ike quote, too bad it's not about the whole "industrial=military complex" thing.
Obama speaking.
Drink. Drink.
McCain.
Says Ed Kennedy still in hospital. Wrong. Drink. His advisers aren't watching cable news? Before this debate started the cable news channels all reported that Kennedy was released from the hospital so he could go home to watch this very debate. McCain knew. He's sympathetically pandering. That's an ultimate asshole action. Drink at least twice.
Main street. Drink.
"the end of the beginning of the crisis"? Holy Fuck. It's just getting worse.
Wait, did Mr. Drillmore just say end dependence on oil?
Lehrer: Do you guys like the plan?
Obama, "how did we get here? This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife."
McCain saw the trainwreck coming? Wasn't he part of it back with Keating around '85? Called for resignation of SEC chairman? No, said he would fire him. Lie. Drink.
New buzzwords to drink: accountability, responsiblility (and their variations).
So drink like three or four times.
"Fundamentals of economy are sound"? Slam your beer.
McCain, Main Street. Drink.
McCain, America, America, blah blah blah. Shut up and drink.
(pause to pee and to thank the Divine Entity of your choice for the miracle of DVR)
McCain, spending's out of control? How much do the wars you support cost?
Oooh, just tried a lame joke about bear DNA. Didn't fly. Drink. He pulled out a pen as a prop and he's holding it like he's Bob fucking Dole. A prop? He's fucking Carrot Top? Drink.
Obama's turn.
New buzzword for this part of debate: earmarks.
Drink. Drink. Drink.
On McCain like you're Bevis, "He he, he he. He said pork."
McCain was called "The Sheriff", didn't win "Ms. Congeniality"? Lame, lame, lame. Drink once to The Sheriff and again to not Ms. Congeniality.
An observation. Just to buck conventional wisdom. On the stage in this debate, McCain is on the left, Obama is on the right.
Lehrer just told McCain to answer Obama directly. Go Lehrer. Rope and rule these bitches.
New buzzword: pork.
So drink. And then drink again.
McCain changing the subject. Asks Obama to define "rich". Potential new buzzword. Get your beverage ready.
Obama just shifted to healthcare. Isn't this debate about foreign policy? That's lame Mr. Obama. Drink.
McCain just said the word "festooned". That's a slam the rest of your drink word. Why? Because it's "festooned".
Why are they talking about tax breaks for oil companies? Both busy twisting each others words and spinning the context. Bastards.
Lehrer. Back on topic. The "financial rescue plan". (Wait, again, what happened to foreign policy?)
Obama. 1) Enery independence. Drink. I think. I don't remember. 2) Fix healthcare. Fuck yeah, but blah de fucking blah. 3) Education. Go Mr. Generic! We all want smart kids.
McCain. 1) Spend less. Obama's a liberal. So he spends more? Opposes ethanol subsidies? Good-bye midwestern corn state vote. What? Too much defense spending? Ah, too many cost over-runs. Blah blah blah, people went to federal prison. He's said that several times tonight.
New McCain drinking buzzword: federal prison.
Is he projecting?
Obama talking about Medicare. Hmm. . . Government health care issues affects me hard. The Boy gets straight Medicaid. Don't fuck with it.
McCain wants to freeze spending.
Obama gets a zinger line: "using a hatchet when you should be using a scalpel" Boo-yah! Drink!
McCain just called for nuclear power? Are we back in the '70's? Ooooh, first mention of "climate change". That's always a drinking buzzword. So drink.
Lehrer just asked if the financial crisis would effect the proposed budgets when either dude is President. Lehrer takes a hit for failing to recognize the obvious. Drink two.
McCain. Back to Obama healthcare and socialized medicine.
Once again, isn't this the foreign policy debate? Blah blah blah blah.
McCain, we owe China 500 billion. Good point. Let's talk about that. Nope. Drink 500 billion.
Again, McCain said he's not Ms. Congeniality. And he ain't no Sandra Bullock. Drink. Said he was a Maverick. I thought that was James Garner. Drink. His partner's a maverick? His partner's James Garner? Is that a gay thing? Drink at least two. And then one more the possible gay thing.
Lehrer steers it back to foreign policy. Iraq blah de blah.
McCain. Right idea, wrong implemention. Change strategy. Great general, "surge" implication? Succeed. Succeed. Damn Iranian bastards.
Obama. Iraq. I told you no, gah-damnit. We only half-way kicked ass in Afghanistan. First use of the word "trillion". Drink. On the war, not the "bailout". Drink. Oops, I said "bailout". Drink.
McCain. The Obama oversight committee not meeting with Petraeus thing.
Obama. "that's Senate inside baseball".
First mention of America's pastime. Drink and eat a fucking hot dog. Then go buy a Chevy. But make it a hybrid Chevy.
Oooh, Obama's getting testy about McCain's Iraq ideas. "Obama doesn't understand the difference between a tactic and a strategy." Okay, explain it to me. Nope, going to freedom, liberty blah, blah, blah.
This is finally starting to turn into a good bar argument between the two guys sitting across from you at the Horseshoe. Lehrer's backing off and just letting the guys bitch at each other. Fun. Drink. Big fun. Drink again.
Obama understands the difference between tactics and strategy. Will one of them please explain it to me, in the context of Iraq.
Okay, now it's devolved to McCain saying more in Iraq and Obama saying more in Afghanistan.
McCain snuck in the name Osama bin Laden a couple of times. Osama? Obama? Ah! You secret Muslim. Drink.
(pause. pee break and a refill. thank you DVR)
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
Just unpaused the DVR. CRASH. boot. Damn you Time Warner bastards!
The boys were sparring. They was talkin'bout Iraq. They was talkin'bout Afghanistan. Were they gonna mention the simmering border skirmish issue with Pakistan? The Pakistanis have been shooting at our helicopters as they "patrol" across the border for the past week or so. Probably not. But I'll never know. At least not until I watch the highlight cable "news" shows later this weekend.
Again I say, fuck.
__________
Back on. Straight up nine o'clock. Obama's wearing a bracelet? Pussy. Wait. I'm wearing a bracelet. One I bought on the streets of Nuevo Laredo about eight years ago. Pure silver my ass. What did I expect for a dollar?
Huh? Obama said something about terrorists sending out videotapes. You mean the ones from the IntelCenter? You know the place that's run by those former Pentagon/DOD spook guys that have the whole Al-Qaeda logos and shit added at the same time as the IntelCenter ones? Google it, my dear reader. Puzzling evidence.
Now they're scrapping! Drink. Just for the fun of it! This thing is finally getting interesting.
Oh. Now Lehrer jumped in with some good news / bad news thing.
Lehrer: Iran.
McCain. Iran. Nukes. Bad. Don't threaten Israel. No second Holocaust. Who's calling for that? Over dramatic. Drink. He wants a League of Democracies? Didn't Wilson try that like about 90 years ago. Iranians putting IEDs in Iraq. Yeah. Maybe Lieberman can show up and remind McCain about that whole Shi'ite/Sunni thing.
Obama. Iran. They're bad. They're badder because of our last eight years policies. He won't let nobody fuck with Israel.
Call me cynical, but are they both pandering this desperately for Florida?
McCain can't pronounce the name of Iran's president. Drink. Neither can I, right now. Drink. But he did okay with a bunch of Russian commie sounding names. Drink to show your support of an old man's ability to pronounce foreign names.
Obama just brought up Kissinger as a McCain advisor. And Brzezinski is an Obama advisor. As an aside: I am working on the hypothesis that world events and American foreign policy since World War II is nothing but a game between between Kissinger and Brzezinski. That is a topic for another time.
Sorry, lost my focus. Drink. Now back to the debate.
This section's buzzword: preconditions.
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
Oooh, McCain just said "my friend". It was in reference to Kissinger, but he said it twice. So drink twice.
New question. Russia.
Love the vodka, hate the potential war.
That's my answer. Not the candidates, although they both look like a Stoli shot would do them good right now.
Obama's spouting the whole Russia is the aggressor line. No, Georgia started it. Lie. Drink. Drink again if you think this involves Atlanta.
Oooh, drink just because Obama said "Latvia". Isn't that where the Andy Kaufman character on 'Taxi' came from? Something about nukes and Al Qaeda. Terror! Be afraid. Be very afraid. Drink. Drink your fears away.
McCain. Russian aggression against Georgia? Again, Georgia fucking started it! McCain is a lying bastard. Drink. Twice. Lie. Drink. Looked in Putin's eyes and saw three letters? "K G B"? Groovy line. Wow, didn't Bush see a good guy when he did that? Russian intentions towards Georgia? How would the US react if the Russians put anti-missile systems in Mexico and Canada?
They are both essentially on the same page on this. They are both tools and douchebags, at least in regards to this issue. But that's an editorial opinion and not the unbiased factual reporting I had hoped this long live-blogging rant would be. I apologize.
Obama is still rambling on. Drink every time either one says "Putin". It sounds funny and a little dirty. So drink.
Obama just turned this back to energy and gas prices. Great non-linear transition. Drink for style points.
McCain rambles on about off-shore drilling and something about something with the word that sounds like "Lugar". Senator? Drink.
Two minutes each left.
Another 9/11?
Don't get me started. Too late, I've already been started. So drink. Read back in the archives of this humble blog for more.
McCain talks about the Commission. Why no mention of WTC 7 in their official report? He's a douchebag. Drink. Drink. Drink.
Obama says were safer, airports, potential targets, chemical sites, transits, ports. Transits? Oh, a suitcase nuke is gonna get us. Please save us Keifer Sutherland. Al-Qaeda. In 60 countries. How many are we in? I'll bet we're still winning.
Obama: "Restore America's Standing in The World". Yes, capital letters because it's a great slogan. Meaningless, because really, what does that mean? But is sure as fuck sounds cool and looks great on a bumper sticker.
McCain just said something about "blood and sacrifice from America's treasury" or something like that. Another meaningless jingoistic phrase that sounds pretty cool and looks great on a bumper sticker. So drink.
Then drink again because this whole thing is getting annoying.
Closing remarks?
I hope.
Obama mentioned Osama. Risky. Apparently they are both still out there. Well, one of them is. One's probably not. Again, Google it for yourself if you're curious. We're spending 10 bil a month on the wars? Yeah, and I remember when 50 thou a year would buy a lot of beer.
McCain has been involved in every National Security challenge for the past 20 some years. Brought back up the lie about "Russian aggression". Drink. Just dissed dubya's regime. Oooh, what a maverick. He loves the vets. I'm sure he'll be hugging that guy holding the cardboard sign while he stands at the intersection on the freeway bridge near my house tomorrow.
Obama. Dad from Kenya. Yes, yes, son of a goat-herder. Lame. Drink. Really lame. Drink again. Ramble, ramble, blah, blah.
McCain. I was a POW. Drink. So was Rambo and we know how he dealt with it. So drink again. Wait, maybe McCain is still searching for his Richard Crenna. Drink again.
McCain knows how to heal the wounds of war. Yes, so do I. Drinking together. So raise your glass high and let's celebrate the fact that this bitch is finally in the can.
Oooh. . . next week, the Veep Challenge! America's first and favorite potential VPILF vs. some Abe Simpsonesque rambling old guy.
Post debate/game show starting now. Yikes! Chris Matthews! He just called McCain "grumpy". What was it The Police that sang, "truth hits everybody"?
Time to step outside and go listen to Woody Guthrie.
I too, own a machine that kills fascists.
Let's jam.
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"the bailout"
"Yes, as through this world I've wandered
I've seen lots of funny men;
Some will rob you with a six-gun,
And some with a fountain pen."
- Woody Guthrie
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Thursday, September 18, 2008
just cut the shit
Okay, okay, okay. . . so maybe my dear reader you are wondering what has happened to the Good Doctor Polymer Noyz.
Or not.
Maybe you are wondering what has happened to this little blog, that used to be filled with amusing anecdotes, wry observations, and heartwarming tales from my personal life. Maybe you are wondering while all I seem to do recently, and with a seeming greater infrequency, is rant and rave about that whole ugly "p" word: politics; and my indignant need to continue exposing and exploring the expanding injustice and hypocrisy of those who claim the right to rule us. The bastards.
Well lemme tell ya. . .
On the one hand it's due because of, or perhaps in spite of, I am a happily married man with a wonderful child with disabilities, who continues to amaze and astound as he grows increasingly larger: physically, emotionally, cognitively. After almost five years into my current version of life (which basically corresponds with the time this blog began) things have settled down into the quiet complacency of more or less domestic tranquility. Which is to say, on the home front there just isn't as much to rant about. Along with that comes a proportional decrease in time to share the stories as I am busy just living them.
However, when I look outside my window, as you doubtless do my dear reader, I see a world that seems to grow darker and uglier with each passing day.
And that just plain continues to piss me off.
So on to the subject of tonight's little rant.
You may have seen this story:
Dallas Mavericks' Josh Howard disrespects national anthem
My initial response?
So.
Is this really news?
It certainly isn't new.
Granted, I am writing this from my perspective as well, a white man, who grew up and continues to live with all the trappings and modern comforts of suburban society. But despite this upbringing I somehow escaped the myopic vision of many of my peers. I can see plainly that my world isn't the world, if you get my meaning.
Of late, I have spent many hours listening to the blues (thank you, pandora.com). The real blues. The old blues. Robert Johnson, Leadbelly, all the various "Blind" guys.
I came of age when the rap/hip-hop scene was doing so also. While I could not fully relate I could at least on some level understand and empathize with the disenfranchised sentiments of the artists of that era: Grandmaster Flash, KRS-One, NWA, and yes, the master Chuck D:
What I find most shocking, surprising, and yes at times offensive to my sensibilities is the general mainstream reaction to such sentiments.
It matters not whether you are a ball player, a blues man, a rap artist, a politician who won't wear a fucking flag pin, or his former preacher. . .
The response is always the same:
Great umbrage, faux outrage, and an over eagernesss to take offense.
And that's just plain fucking stupid.
And that's what bothers me.
Why is there never an attempt to ask a simple question: "Why do you feel that way?"
Why is there no recognition that some have legitimate grievances?
I fear that to to do so would begin a dialogue that is long, difficult, complicated, and can't be summed up in a 30 second TV spot with lots of American flags waving in the background.
Go America. We're number one.
Yeah, right.
Living in a dream is certainly easier than living one.
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Or not.
Maybe you are wondering what has happened to this little blog, that used to be filled with amusing anecdotes, wry observations, and heartwarming tales from my personal life. Maybe you are wondering while all I seem to do recently, and with a seeming greater infrequency, is rant and rave about that whole ugly "p" word: politics; and my indignant need to continue exposing and exploring the expanding injustice and hypocrisy of those who claim the right to rule us. The bastards.
Well lemme tell ya. . .
On the one hand it's due because of, or perhaps in spite of, I am a happily married man with a wonderful child with disabilities, who continues to amaze and astound as he grows increasingly larger: physically, emotionally, cognitively. After almost five years into my current version of life (which basically corresponds with the time this blog began) things have settled down into the quiet complacency of more or less domestic tranquility. Which is to say, on the home front there just isn't as much to rant about. Along with that comes a proportional decrease in time to share the stories as I am busy just living them.
However, when I look outside my window, as you doubtless do my dear reader, I see a world that seems to grow darker and uglier with each passing day.
And that just plain continues to piss me off.
So on to the subject of tonight's little rant.
You may have seen this story:
Dallas Mavericks' Josh Howard disrespects national anthem
My initial response?
So.
Is this really news?
It certainly isn't new.
Granted, I am writing this from my perspective as well, a white man, who grew up and continues to live with all the trappings and modern comforts of suburban society. But despite this upbringing I somehow escaped the myopic vision of many of my peers. I can see plainly that my world isn't the world, if you get my meaning.
Of late, I have spent many hours listening to the blues (thank you, pandora.com). The real blues. The old blues. Robert Johnson, Leadbelly, all the various "Blind" guys.
I came of age when the rap/hip-hop scene was doing so also. While I could not fully relate I could at least on some level understand and empathize with the disenfranchised sentiments of the artists of that era: Grandmaster Flash, KRS-One, NWA, and yes, the master Chuck D:
I got a letter from the governmentI fear I am somewhat digressing from the intended point of this rant.
The other day
I opened and read it
It said they were suckers
They wanted me for their army or whatever
Picture me given' a damn - I said never
Here is a land that never gave a damn
About a brother like me and myself
Because they never did
What I find most shocking, surprising, and yes at times offensive to my sensibilities is the general mainstream reaction to such sentiments.
It matters not whether you are a ball player, a blues man, a rap artist, a politician who won't wear a fucking flag pin, or his former preacher. . .
The response is always the same:
Great umbrage, faux outrage, and an over eagernesss to take offense.
And that's just plain fucking stupid.
And that's what bothers me.
Why is there never an attempt to ask a simple question: "Why do you feel that way?"
Why is there no recognition that some have legitimate grievances?
I fear that to to do so would begin a dialogue that is long, difficult, complicated, and can't be summed up in a 30 second TV spot with lots of American flags waving in the background.
Go America. We're number one.
Yeah, right.
Living in a dream is certainly easier than living one.
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Thursday, September 11, 2008
9/11
is a joke.
On so many more levels than Public Enemy told us all those years ago.
So get up and get, get down.
And just keep screaming out. . .
I'm still not dead.
That's not a request.
'You are either with us or against us'
Well then,
I know what side I'm on.
Do you?
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On so many more levels than Public Enemy told us all those years ago.
So get up and get, get down.
And just keep screaming out. . .
I'm still not dead.
So raise a glass to the fallen, muthafuckers.
To all those buried in the ground,
God knows I wish you were around,
to laugh and cuss about what's going down.
That's not a request.
To spite as a reason,Like dubya said. . .
'You are either with us or against us'
Well then,
I know what side I'm on.
Do you?
And to the confusion of our enemies,
Just keep screaming out...I'm still not dead.
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