bring the noyz

proof
|

First, some background info. . .

For the past several weeks, The Wife and I have been busily and voraciously researching Ms. von Munchausen and her by Proxy Syndrome (MSBP). I came upon a report by the Federal B. I. which quite clearly states:

"Law enforcement personnel should remember that MSBP is not a diagnosis. Instead, investigators should recognize it as a form of abuse. In short, MSBP is not what someone has, but what someone does."

So, the fat bitch is fucking crazy, but not legally. She can still be held accountable for her actions.

Good. String 'er up.

That being said, let's get on with it. . .

Back in 2002, there lived at Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs a child, a Baby, just few months younger than The Boy.

Well, one night, way back in 2002, The Baby died suddenly in the middle of the night.

Suddenly, but not unexpectedly. Like The Boy, The Baby was given only a few days to live by The Doctors. He had a similar diagnosis as The Boy, but unlike The Boy, The Baby was much more medically involved. People were amazed that he lived for the few months that he did, and most unknowing outside people credited his few months of longevity to the loving care he received at Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs.

And that pretty much was that. . . until earlier this week.

The Wife and I were sitting around talking to a former Employee of Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs.

The subject of the Baby came up.

The Former Employee recalled working until late in the night when The Baby died. On that night, the overnight staff person called in sick. When the Former Employee left for the night, Ms. von Munchausen was alone in the house with the children in her care.

When the Former Employee left, The Baby was medically stable and peacefully sleeping.

Sometime, during the few hour period between the time the Former Employee left and whomever was scheduled for the morning shift arrived, The Baby died. By her own account, Ms von Munchausen was holding him when it happened.

As it was a "miracle" The Baby lived as long as he did, nobody in positions of authority to ask questions about his death did so.

And that pretty much was that. . . until earlier this week.

The Wife and the Former Employee shared what Ms. von Munchausen had told each of them on different occassions about the details surrounding the sudden, but not unexpected, death of The Baby.

A chill went down our spines. . .

Ms. von Munchausen told two different and conflicting stories about what happened that night.

Ms. von Munchausen is lying.

You don't think she. . . . ?

Yes. Yes I do. Without a moment's hesitation from doubt.

Ms. von Munchausen murdered The Baby in the darkness of the night.

And we know she did. And she knows she did. And the scary thing is she may have gotten away with it.
|

Howdy one and all.

Recently, unless you're all hopped up on your 'tussin, you should have noticed that I have been trying to make some cosmetic changes to the ol' 'blog.

Pretty it up abit, ya know?

Yeah, I know you do.

A potential problem has possibly occurred, and I am counting on you, my dear reader, to help me resolve it.

It is about the formatting of this literary masterwork.

First, another confession:

I am a Mac man. Steve Jobs had me at "hello" way back in the 1980's when I took that computer math class in high school and got to play with Apple II's.

I recognize that as a Mac man, I am in the minority. It is still very much a Bill Gates world. Cursed Windows. . . Blah BLAH!

Being in the minority, I also put up with a fair amount of discrimination with quiet indignation and a plastic smile. For example, someone should kick the Yahoo! Launchcast people in the ass hard enough to make the music videos play on my beautifully designed iMac.

And DAMNIT, if I don't get my Britney video fix soon I'm gonna go totally postal on someone's sorry ass.

[uuuuugh. . . toxic. . . yeah baby, I'm toxic, you're toxic. . . ooh, that's totally toxic. . . yeaaaaaaaaaah. . . .]

Other sites that stream video still live in the past and are unable to handle sending the video stream to any media player running on Mac OS 10.3.

Barbarians! I'll bet they still use scapels for surgery.

For the sake of comparison, I have been overheard to liken being an Apple user to being like a black rock-n-roll or blues act in the 1950's. . .

Anybody that knows anything recognizes that you are more talented and a better artist, it's just that society as a whole has not caught up yet.

Okay. . . enough rambling. . . my point.

Is this formatting properly on your Windows (hiss! hiss!) machine? On my Macs (at home and and work) the 'blog looks beautiful. On the DELL that takes up most of the space on my desk at work, the 'blog formats goofy. The sidebar stuff is all at the very bottom after the last post.

Please, dear reader, I beseech thee in the bowels of Christ, let me know .

Thank you very much, thank you. Good day.
|

Earlier this week there was a court hearing and minor media circus about the fate of Ms. von Munchausen and her so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs.

The Board of Directors continued to lie and plead ignorance and shock through their Lawyer. However, much to our pleasant surprise, the Board issued a statement in support of the Staff. They stated that the Staff had done nothing wrong, and had in fact filed 23 abuse/neglect allegations with the State Child Protection Agency in the last 4 years.

23 fucking calls! Holy fucking shit! It looks to me like a big part of the State Child Protection Agency had a fair portion of its thumb up its ass.

The Board's Lawyer will be going to court to seek the release of the records pertaining to those calls. I hope he is successful.

Through their sharply dressed spokesman, the State Child Protection Agency responded to this by saying that action would have been taken if any of the allegations had been substantiated.

For that to have happened, the State Child Protection Agency would have had to investigated them. Which they mostly did not do.

The Board blamed the State Child Protection Agency for the problems and then voluntarily gave back their foster care facility license.

What? Ms von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs officially and finally closed its doors?!?!

Sweet merciful crap!

I can not begin to count the trips nor measure the hours over the past several years that The Wife and I have spent at a local Mexican restaurant, infamous for the strength of their margaritas, ranting, raving, scheming and dreaming of the day that blessed event finally occurred.

I can assure you, dear reader, we got a sitter for The Boy and raised a celebratory glass of sweet tequila mixed with lime at our favorite establishment on that glorious night!

In one of the more humorous moments of courtroom drama (at least from my seat), Ms. von Munchausen had to agree to a complete neuropsych evaluation. She also had to agree to release the results to state investigators.

Ooooh, the psychologist in me salivates at the thought of all of the mental skeletons that could come tumbling out of that sociopathic closet.

Most of the major media outlets in our fair city aired video of, or printed the following statement from a very sullen and forlorn Ms. von Munchausen:

"I would just like the media and the public to know that we've done nothing to violate that trust they put with us."

Really.

That's not what I've heard.

May the Lord have mercy on the soul of Ms von Munchausen.

I most definitely will not.
|

Earlier this week my dearest of friends and other half of a once most decadent duo, Cardinal Fang, asked the following:

"Who will save rock and roll?"

This is a very good question.

It has been a long time since the first band vomited in the bar and found the distance to the stage to far.

This man thinks he has an answer:

“This week, Dr. David Thorpe uses the power of scientific analysis to determine which band will be the true savior of rock and roll. Using NASA's top-secret ROCKSTAT technology, Dr. Thorpe has cut through the magazine hype and calculated with unerring accuracy the band which is destined to pull us out of the current musical slump.”

Good Lord Man! Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus! That can not, will not, must not be correct. Surely there has been some mistake.

As many of you know, I am something of an avid affectionado of all things rock.

And roll.

Through a covert contact with an employee of NASA, I was able to trade a small piece of the Columbia shuttle (I obtained from an underground farmer in exchange for a few precious seeds of highly medicinal but legally questionable value) for an illicit copy of NASA's ROCKSTAT software.

After careful analysis, I discovered an error in an obscure algorhythm buried deep within the code. After making the required corrections, and entering the required musical data, much to surprise. . .

ROCKSTAT buzzed and whirred and calculated this band as rock music's savior.

I was flabbergasted and freaked out. I was shocked, stunned, and amazed.

Surely there must be some mistake. This band?

I carefully rechecked the settings on ROCKSTAT and realized that it contained a serious flaw in its programming. You see, dear reader, the ROCKSTAT technology was originally designed in the 1970's. Its creation was prompted by concerns NASA scientists had at that dark time about the proliferation acts like Jackson Browne and The Eagles.

As digital music technology was not in existence at that time, ROCKSTAT was designed to analyze analog music.

I made a few simple adjustments to the software's boolean logic and derivative calculation code to update the software for digital music.

I re-entered the data. . .

Once again, ROCKSTAT beeped, buzzed and whirled. . . until. . .

At last, the answer.

Long live rock, be it dead or alive.
|

From: Walter Neuss, walter_neuss@hotmail.com
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2004 2:17 AM
To: drnoyz@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Finances of Walter Neuss--your help please!

Herr Dr. Noyz:

I am appreciating having receipt of a letter from you with such great rapidness, but I must admit also theconfusion concerning certain elements of your writing.  Of course I am having read already your postings on Internet about your dealings with the HSBC posing Bankers and Investigators, therefore I know you are do well, to have a joke with them at their cost.

But for me this affair is not a joke, unfortunate.  I understand, if for your readers you want to have the Humor in your answer, so I will disregard what seems to be the not serious portions of your letter to me.  At first I had confusion that you believed I was actually an Uncle to you, but then I had understanding that this reference was a part of the joke, you are forming on the HSBC. I conclude since you write back to me that you are agreeing to associate with me via email if you hear again of anyone, who states to be of the HSBC.

I leave you with a small Correction of your information, which can interest you.  You mentioned that my Family name, Neuss, “rhymes with Seuss,” but I do not think this is correct, at least for an American.  Your children’s author “Dr. Seuss” I believe in your country is expressed to sound like English word “moose,” this is correct?  In German language, we are saying “Neuss” to sound like your English word “choice.”  It is for this that I suspect perhaps your Family name, which to my reading I think would sound in English like word “noise” would be similar sounding to my “Neuss,” sounding like “choice.”  (Please you will write to tell me, if my reading of your language is sounding improperly to your ear!)

Warmest regards,

Herr Walter NEUSS
_______________

From: Polymer Noyz, drnoyz@hotmail.com
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2004 10:08 PM
To: Walter Neuss, walter_neuss@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Finances of Walter Neuss--your help please!

Herr Walter Neuss,

You believe what you want to believe but you don't have to live like a refugee. I'll hold the pickles and hold the lettuce and let you have it your way.

If I receive any further correspondence from the likes of the dubious Mr. Fritz I will forward the aforementioned correspondence to you.

What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

The Good Nephew Doctor Polymer Noyz

p.s. thanks for the language lesson.
|

God damn what a brother gotta do
To get a message through
To the red, white and you?
. . . on with the body count

- Ice-T
|

From: Walter Neuss, walter_neuss@hotmail.com
Sent: Wednesday, April 21, 2004 4:09 PM
To: drnoyz@hotmail.com
Subject: Finances of Walter Neuss--your help please!

Herr Doktor P. NOYZ
Midsized American City, United States, STATE

Greetings Herr Doktor:

Permit me to introduce myself to you. I am Herr Walter Neuss and live at present in the city of Cannes in the south of France. Forgive me please for the letter to you, but I wish to get to your attention a matter, which concerns me personally and very seriously. In the last months I was the victim of an identity theft scam, that functions from the United Kingdom. Because I have substantial funds on deposit in the different accounts in Switzerland and in France, some unscrupulous Banker have tried to receive this money over illegal wire transfers by stating that I am deceased.

I believe that you could to have been contacted by one of these individuals and perhaps saying to be an officer of the HSBC banking operations of London. I presuppose that you were selected because your Family name is Noyz, apparently the American spelling of my Family name, Neuss. While it could illuminate us at another time to discuss and determine our mutual family histories, and how we could be being related, I regret that I have more important interests at present.

I am minding that this is a large favor to be imposing on such a stranger as you and a busy doctor, but, as you could imagine I am very troubled by this entire affair and could use each possible support, which you in this situation could do, to help me seek out these individuals. I regret to admit to you that they were already successful in at least one opportunity, to convince a Swiss bank to release some of my capital to someone which wrongly was posing as a relative and beneficiary of my Estate, of which I am of course not deceased as you see by this letter.

Unfortunate for me, I am not able in this situation, to ask for the support of Interpol because of the sensitive nature of my financial holdings. Without too much to elaborate, I say only that much of my net worth is protected heavily from the income Taxes by various means, which need not concern you but I am sure you can imagine about. Additionally much my Capital has its origin from dealings of my father, during the late 1930s, which are regarded unseemly by today's standards and about which also I am sure you can imagine. Consequently I am knowing, that you can understand why the aid of the usual authorities I simply cannot have in this affair.

Everything which would please me from you, is that if you are receiving any further correspondence from anyone which is posing as an Investigator or Banker in regard to my “Estate” that you will forward this correspondence to me, Walter Neuss, at this email address as soon as you receive it. Thank you, Herr Doktor Noyz, for your assistance.

Warmest regards,

Herr Walter NEUSS
_______________

From: Polymer Noyz, drnoyz@hotmail.com
To: walter_neuss@hotmail.com
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2004 6:04 PM
Subject: RE: Finances of Walter Neuss--your help please!

Unca' Walter! Unca Walter!

Please come home!

I am so glad to have found you after all these years! Ol' Granny will be so pleased. She has always known that someday your true undying love for Aunt Gladys would prevail over your more impure, immoral, and probably illegal pursuits.

It is with much sorrow and sadness that I must quite regretfully inform you that Aunt Gladys died of a bad case of the gout and a broken heart back in 1998.

What's the weather like in Cannes, South of France? You seen any of them bigtime Hollywood types?

I just had this feeling in my bones that it wasn't you they found dead in Cannes, South of France.

Stop playing your silly little games, "Herr Walter Neuss"? C'mon I know it's you, Uncle Walter. I'm so glad to have found you after all these years!

Like ol' Pappy, God rest his soul, used to say, "jus'cuz you painted stripes on the horse, don' mean you'ken call it a zebra."

Incidentally, Pappy went to the other side back in 2000. He was flipping through the channels one afternoon and came upon an episode of MTV's "Jackass" already in progress. He missed that whole warning thing about not trying it at home. Granny's lawyers think it'll be a few more years before that's all worked out.

You wrote, "Additionally much my Capital has its origin from dealings of my father, during the late 1930s, which are regarded unseemly by today's standards and about which also I am sure you can imagine."

Just who do you think your foolin'? You obviously copied that out of the autobiography of President George Bush I.

I am anxiously awaiting your return to the states.

However, before you return, I feel compelled to inform you of one very important piece of information. Several families of Sicilian and possibly Russian origin have outstanding contracts on "Walter Noyz" on account of that unfinished business with the casino robbery. I am quite certain that you will be safe if you travel under your new name.

Neuss. That's funny, rhymes with Seuss. He's my favorite author.

Your loving nephew,

Polymer

|

To: Ottmar Röhrig, or@hedog.de
Sent : Tuesday, April 20, 2004 10:36 PM
Subject : AW: Uncle Walter

Dearest Ottmar,

Hey, um. . . Just who are you "hedog.de" guys?

Snoopy's in Germany? Has the World's Greatest Flying Ace been captured by his nemesis, The Red Baron? Or is he just chillin' with good beer and better bratwurst?

Either way, it'zall goooood. Hope your having fun hangin' in his hut.

The newspaper article was a hoot! Looks like I may not be inheriting my dearly departed Late Uncle Walter's estate just yet.

This just raises more questions.

Was it really the body of Uncle Walter that was found in Cannes, South of France?

If so, then where ARE the millions he made from the casino robbery? (Although, if there is any truth at all to the rumours of that Amsterdam business, I know exactly how he spent it all. The lucky bastard.)

If it was not Uncle Walter, who was it? If not Uncle Walter, where is he?

Uncle Walter, where are you!?!?!

If you should happen to see him chain smoking Marlboro reds while sullenly drinking alone at the corner of a local hotel bar; please buy him a double Jack and Coke, no ice, with a twist of lime and a cherry. It used to be his favorite.

If he asks why, please just credit it to the kindness of a stranger.

yours truly,

The Good Doctor Noyz

P.S. Oh, one more thing. . . Men are just as stupid as women think they are. Because women have the keys to the box.

|

Another warning.

From another Woodstock.

Also, by all appearances, from somewhere in Germany.
_______________

From : Ottmar Röhrig, or@hedog.de
Reply-To : or@hedog.de
Sent : Tuesday, April 20, 2004 4:17 AM
To : "'Polymer Noyz'" drnoyz@hotmail.com
Subject : AW: Uncle Walter

Hi Polymer!

Have a look here, I found out that someone in Sacramento really paid 27.000 us-$ towards the very same story we are being told.

http://www.sacbee.com/content/news/scam_alert/story/8619250p-9547443c.html

Hell.. When I read those kind of things, I must admit, a lot of men seem to be as stupid as women think they are.

Greetings back from Snoopy, I'm taking care of his hut while Snoopy's out reporting all of this to _the_ German computer-magazine..

Woodstock
|

Wait a minute! I did some snooping around on the website Woodstock sent to me. I'm having some doubts about the sincerity of Mr. Colin Fritz.

I found the following article:
_______________

Nigeria - 419 Coalition 2004 News on Nigerian Scam/419 Operations

9 APR 2004 From ThisDay, a Nigerian newspaper:

$254m Scam: Assassins Go After Crown Witness

By Godwin Ifijeh

Chief prosecution witness in the $254 million advance fee fraud, involving five Nigerians, namely Chief Emmanuel Nwude, Mrs. Amaka Anajemba, Chief Emmanuel Ofulue, Mr. Obum Osakwe and Chief Nzeribe Edeh Okoli, yesterday raised alarm, alleging that hired killers were after his life.

Dr. Obev Uke, who said he was the lead prosecution witness, having reported the financial crime against a Brazilian businessman to the police, stated on phone last night that he was in hiding, after he narrowly escaped being killed by gunmen, who stormed his Enugu home last Monday.

"I was not home last Monday morning when six men came in a bus to my house in Enugu. They met my security guard and told him that they were there to repair my vehicle.

"Immediately he opened for them to go in, they pulled out guns and combed the whole house, looking for me.

"As God would have it, I was not around, They came back in the afternoon, searched every corner of the house again for me before they left. I have to run into hiding since then when I learnt of how they desperately wanted to get at me.

"I reported the $254 million scam to the police. I am the prosecution witness. Anajemba et al want to bump me off before the trial starts.

Asked if he has informed the police of the situation, the prosecution witness said he had only been able to reach his lawyer, Mr. Femi Falana, and the Lagos Director of Operations of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Mr. Ibrahim Lamordi, on the development.

He appealed for urgent steps on the situation, saying he was sure that delay would be dangerous, considering the way the hired killers desperately looked for him.

Contacted last night, Femi Falana confirmed the development, saying Uke told him about it from his hide out.

Falana, who said he had just returned from a trip outside Lagos, confirmed that Uke told him that he had alerted the EFCC about it, and that he would be making a formal report to the police.
_______________

Great. Just plain fucking great!

I just made a down payment on a new boat.

Now I find out I might NOT get a cool 4 mil from my beloved late Uncle Walter.

Like that's not bad enough news. AND I might have to start worrying about Nigerian Gangster Hit Squads.

Fucking hell.
|

Just what kinda crazy shit was dearly departed Uncle Walter into? What shenanigans and nefarious plotting was he involved in?
_______________

From : Woodstock, woodstock@hedog.de
Reply-To : woodstock@hedog.de
Sent : Monday, April 19, 2004 8:22 AM
To : drnoyz@hotmail.com
Subject : Uncle Walter

Hi Polymer,

I too was contacted by Deborah Gray from Midland Consulting and afterwards by Mr. Alexandra Bryan David "from" HSBC - who is most likely the same as Colin Friz from whom I read at your blog URL. I am still in contact with them - with a phone-call being expected today from MPFSPLC.

I have not yet understood in which way they will want to make their money. I will try to get get knowledge about this to inform other people about this fraud. Maybe you can help me here as well.

btw: mpfsplc.com is listed here http://www.artists-against-419.mugus.com/fake-bank-news.shtmlt as a fake bank.

Regards,

Woodstock
_______________

To: Woodstock, woodstock@hedog.de
From: Polymer Noyz, drnoyz@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Uncle Walter
Date: April 19, 2004

Woodstock,

Please send my regards to Snoopy and the gang.

I greatly appreciated the information you shared with me via the link to the Artists Against 419 website. I find it quite fascinating and truly an eye-opener. And those graphics! Like a bad business brochure store exploded on the webpage.

Like yourself, I am unsure how Mr. Fritz intends to get paid. I can only assume it will be from his portion of my Beloved and Late Uncle Walter's estate as per the terms of the agreement I have been negotiating. Thanks to the information you shared I now have a list of financial institutions from which to chose where to set up an account to handle the transaction.

I am greatly honored and quite intrigued by the thought of my online rantings being read by an individual with an e-mail address registered to a German domain and therefore possibly half a world away. Please keep reading. I hope you find it informative and entertaining.

Tumbling down the rabbit hole,

The Good Doctor Polymer Noyz
|

Yeah, yeah yeah. . . I know you have all been patiently asking yourself when will I get around to referencing the wisdom of the Greatest Metal Band of All Time.

Well, right about now.

The stench of Ms. von Munchausen lingers like the fart of a dying man.

I'm as tired of writing about it as you must be of reading it.

So I'm just not gonna do it anymore right now.
|

"The human brain has the capacity to understand everything. . . except itself."

So said the creepy voiced narrator of a bad television series about the paranormal produced by Fonzie.
|

Well my dear reader, in the interest of keeping you informed, I proudly relate another chapter in tale of the wicked Ms. von Munchausen as told by the local ABC affiliate's crack news team:

STATE CHILD PROTECTION AGENCY COMPLAINT ALLEGES ABUSE IN FOSTER HOME

07:08 PM CDT on Friday, April 16, 2004

By Local Investigative Reporter / Local TV News

Local TV News has confirmed specific allegations in the formal complaint made against the founders of Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs -- a foster home for special needs children.

The state removed the children last month after allegations of abuse and neglect.

According to the complaint by the State Child Protection Agency, when a child was about to leave Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs, through adoption or to be reunited with birth parents, that child would get sick and be hospitalized. The reunion or adoption would called be off.

[Every damn single time. Without fail. Off the top of my head I can think of at least a half dozen cases.]

The State Child Protection Agency complaint targets Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs founder Ms. von Munchausen.

She has been praised in the community for her work with special needs children.

The Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, the Physically Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedophilic Idiot were recognized by the Local ABC Affiliate in 2001 as a Person Who Does Lots for the Community award winner.

State investigators compiled a long list of abuse accusations against Ms. von Munchausen, involving eight children between the ages of three and twelve.

The accusations include tampering with a child's oxygen level to prolong a hospital stay, [curious, hadn't really heard that one before, wonder what it's refering to?] causing another child, who was about to be adopted, to stop breathing [The Boy]. The complaint alleges she called that child her biggest moneymaker.

[Biggest moneymaker? It doesn't surprise me that she would say that, though I had not heard that before. As I write this, he is sound asleep on the couch. He's not making any money doing that.]

The attorney for Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs' board of directors declined to comment about the accusations, but earlier in the week, said a full internal review is being conducted.

[Yeah, a cover your ass review. Ms. von Munchausen will try to take anyone and everyone of down with her when she goes.]

The board and state investigators want to know why staff members never came forward and filed complaints.

[According to whom? The Lawyer, or the High Priced PR guy the board hired who keeps contacting the Local News Team to leak them this information. Never filed complaints? As I previously stated, right now, in the office of either an assistant DA or a detective there is apparently a 3-inch binder FULL of reports.]

Investigators are trying to determine whether a jar filled with mercury discovered in the home Tuesday was used to harm the children.

[So are we, damnit, so are we. The Boy's test results will not be back until next Wednesday or Thursday.]

The Lawyer for Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, the Physically Abusive Possibly Pedophilic Ignorant Idiot, tells The Local News Team his clients have done nothing to purposefully harm the children in their care.

[A Lawyer with the audacity to assert the innocence of his clients on the Local News! I'm shocked and offended!]

The Lawyer called the situation with the mercury outrageous. He says there is a simple explanation as to why it was in the home. The Lawyer says he will reveal that in court next week.

[He's still working on what that simple explanation is. And maybe to come up with the catch phrase as memorable and convincing as "if the glove don't fit, you must aquit." May I suggest something like, "In the jar on the shelf, can't hurt a child's health." or "hidden behind a photo of mom, mercury can't do wrong" ]

He also does not expect test results to show that any child has been exposed to mercury.

[Duh, wake up Mr. Local Reporter. Who's Lawyer is he? It don't take no degree in physics to solve that equation.]

[We do have one other theory about the mercury. Maybe in this instance, the Lawyer is right. Maybe she wasn't using it to slowly poison children. We think Ms. von Munchausen's husband, the Physically Abusive Possibly Pedophilic Ignorant Idiot, should be tested for mercury exposure. It is common knowledge among the staff that she has hated and despised him for decades. I've heard them argue and scream at each other countless times. He also has many of the symptoms of ongoing low-level mercury exposure. It wasn't the children she was poisoning slowly, but her own useless excuse of a husband. If we could confirm that, I would be most highly amused. The mere thought of it causes me to giggle.]

The test results have not yet been released.

[In the event The Boy's come back positive, unless I am convinced otherwise by The Wife or I have another moment of that whole discretion/valor thing, they will be, on every media outlet in this damned town.]

The Lawyer for Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, the Physically Abusive Possibly Pedophilic Ignorant Idiot received money from the state to run Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs. The more children they cared for, the more money they received.

As a non-profit, they also received private donations and community grants.

[And committed Medicaid Fraud on a truly massive scale. That hasn't hit the media yet because I have not heard that the Medicaid investigation has begun. And I've sent a lengthy list to the Medicaid Fraud reporting office three different times and three different ways: regular mail, e-mail, and fax. Damned government bureaucracies. It takes for-freakin'-ever to see any results.]
_______________

Everyone has a lawyer except us. Guess it's time to hold a bake sale to raise some bucks for legal fees.

Or put The Boy to work as the "biggest moneymaker". What a sick, sick, sick, fucked-up person. I can't wait to find out to whom she said that.

It's getting uglier, dirtier, nastier, and crazier.

All for the Love of The Boy.
|

To: Colin Fritz, ColinfritzC@netscape.net
Re: unfinished business
Date: April 16, 2004

Mr. Colin Fritz,

I trust that your recent lack of communication is due to your preoccupation with making the neccessary arrangements for us to proceed with our transaction.

I have previously explained the predicament in which I currently find myself.

My current situation is rapidly becoming urgent. My colleagues suddenly stop conversations in mid sentence and begin to discuss the finals of "American Idol" when they see me approach. Hints and allegations are beginning to follow me like my shadow in the mid-day sun.

I grow increasingly concerned about the security and prosperity of myself and my family, as would any good family man under these circumstances.

It is time for action.

Allow me a make a rather vulgar metaphor: There are people that need to be stroked. You can help me to provide the lubrication.

The thought has occurred to me, that this whole thing is a con and a scam.

I wonder if your enquiries were designed to obtain sufficient information from me about my dearly departed Uncle Walter for you to proceed without me and subsequently pocket his estate entirely for yourself.

That sir, is quite despicable and entirely unacceptable. While I find your recent usage of terms such as "blackmail" premature, let there be no doubt that I will take whatever action is required to secure my fair share of my loved and late Uncle Walter's inheritance.

As I have no reason to doubt that you are an honorable man, I am willing to credit my thoughts to paranoia brought on by my current level of anxiety.

"Let's get on with it, shall we?" - David Letterman

I await your further instructions.

Sincerely,
The Good Doctor Polymer Noyz
|

Or maybe not.

I've spent the past two days thinking about this posting. I've had it saved as a draft, and had many arguments with myself about whether or not I should just click the damn "publish your post" button and be done with it.

Well, whoever said "discretion is the better part of valor" deserves to be dug up and bitch-slapped, because those damn words keep coming back to me. They're fucking true. Wish they weren't. With every fiber in my being I want to create a god-damned media circus and be the Ringmaster.

After much introspection, I have concluded that it is not yet the time.

Court cases and criminal charges are pending. The subpeona's are coming. No one is satisfied if you blow your wad early. Most of us learned that lesson when we were in our teens.

The day will come when the attorneys, caseworkers, and reporters have all gone away. If Our Story is not yet told to our satisfaction by that time, well. . .

I've hope for the documentary that Mrs. Cardinal apparently wants quite badly to film.

Either that or Stone Phillips. Try to tell me that isn't the kinda shit the DATELINE eats for breakfast.

The past two days have been filled with phone calls, taken by primarily, nay, almost exclusively by The Wife. Phone calls from State Child Protection Agency caseworkers and Program Directors, calls from reporters, calls from attorneys, calls from The Mole and former employees of Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs.

So, bearing all that in mind, I present, a self-censored and slightly edited version of a posting originally written on April 13, 2004.
_______________

An explanation of yesterday's string of expletives, courtesy of our local ABC affiliate, complete with my editorializing.

The top story on their six o'clock news was about the police investigating Ms von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical needs. The genie is out of the bottle.

Since this whole stream of ranting and the saga of The Boy began, I have changed the names, places, and other information which could have identified any of the people involved. Because, really, it's nobody's freaking business what the names are. And I've kinda always believed names don't matter if you got a good story to tell.

And so, dragnet style, the names have been, and will continue to be, changed to protect the innocent.

While the guilty are not entitled to such protection, I have already stated my reasons for continuing to do so.
_______________

"Officials tell our local ABC affiliate news a criminal investigation underway, involving the possibility of what's called Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy. That is a term associated with a parent making a child sick to gain attention."

HOLY SHIT! Officials? What officials? Who told them that? They're dead on correct. But we never expected to hear it leading the evening news. If you download the video, note how it lingers in slow motion over the old file shot of Ms. von Munchausen shortly following that statement. Slightly subtle, very sweet.

"On Tuesday crime lab technicians with the Police Department found and removed one jar filled with mercury -- about the size of a small container of olives."

Mercury! When administered in small doses over extended periods of time, it can cause EVERY DAMNED SYMPTOM of EVERY CHILD. It is virtually undetectible, because no sane person would ever think to test for it, because using it to slowly poison children over an extended period of time is a thought that is basically inconceivable to conventional medicine.

However, if you know what you're looking for. . . it's just a simple blood test.

Mercury. Hidden in her bedroom. Yeah, we learned that yesterday.

Anyone and everyone who has ever had the unpleasant experience of having to work with Ms. von Munchausen knows that she is a horrible parent, a worse nurse, and basically an angry self-centered ego-centric bitter woman. She is a hypochondriac at the least.

Ms. von Munchausen once had 48-hour breast cancer. Really. No lie. Ask The Wife next time you see her. She once caught a bad case of the flu because The Wife had a bad hangover and called in sick saying she had the flu as her excuse.

But this. . . oh, sweet merciful crap. A bottle of mercury hidden in her bedroom! There is no legitimate reason for this.

Is Ms. von Munchausen a crazy-assed bee-otch? Fuck yes! . . . but to a degree that leaves even the most passionate critics of Ms. von Munchausen surprised and totally freaked out.

This just cranks the whole ugly mess up to eleven.

I want to go take a shower to try to wash the filth and the stench off after writing about it.

That's why I let forth a string of expletives. We had just returned from having The Boy tested for exposure. Yet another time I had to hold, reassure, and comfort The Boy while strangers stuck a needle in his vein because of the evil that woman has done.

Now it's a week of waiting for the test results. Waiting and hoping and praying.

"one was taken to the hospital on March 7" -- Check my archives for March if you can't already guess which one.

"A Public Relations Expert was hired by the Board of Directors of Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs to answer media questions, along The Lawyer for the board."

Public relations expert? Who's paying him? Where did a non-profit that is supposed to spend all of their money on children get the funds to hire a big PR gun? Curiouser and curiouser. Methinks they doth protest too much.

Developing. . .
|

Okay, well maybe not just yet. But they're planning it now.

Actually, this is just the type of technology application that just about makes me cream my jeans. Damn, is it cool. My head spins imagining the possibilities. This can successfully open a lot of doors for my students with significant disabilities.

And when the porn people get ahold of it, because traditionally the adult entertainment industry are the first folks to really find ways to exploit and profit from new technologies (think about the VCR, DVD and the internet, it's all just another take on the "world's oldest profession"). . . WOW!
|

Ms. von Munchausen is big fat fucking moo-cow evil bitch of a cunt.

Pardon my string of expletives, dear reader, but my alternative to typing those words is to stomp around the house yelling and screaming them.

That scares The Boy.

So, once again, (in an effort to let go of the stress so I don't spend another pleasant Saturday evening in the ER). . .

Ms. von Munchausen is a god damned goat dick sucking elephant ball sack licking crazy mother fucking pig faced bloated arrogant sorry assed filthy slime eating maggot infested filthy stinking bitch of a shit eating whore.

Ahhh. . . I feel better already.

I'll save my new reasons as to why she is these things, and thus the for my current rant when I get all worked up again and feel the need.

I have no doubt that that will be very, very soon.
|

from yesterday's e-mail. I'm neither Gerard nor Dr. Nowak. So why'd I even get it?
_______________

From : Petra Curry, thobmp@isp.net
Sent : Monday, April 12, 2004 5:51 AM
To : Gerard, drnowak@hotmail.com
Subject:

You Don't Have To Have a Small Penis

_______________

To: thobmp@isp.net
From: The Good Doctor Noyz, drnoyz@hotmail.com
Sent: Monday, April 12, 2004
Subject: RE:

whereas, you obviously do, you spamming goat fucking bastard.

toodles,

The Good Doctor Polymer Noyz
_______________

'nuff said.
|

From : ColinfritzC@netscape.net
Sent : Monday, April 12, 2004 4:02 AM
To : drnoyz@hotmail.com ("Polymer Noyz")
Subject : RE: HSBC Private Banking Enquiry

Dear Polymer Noyz,

Thanks for your prompt response to my mail and your follow-up corespondence.The contents of both corespondence are well understood. If you should carefully go through the second mail of of Deborah Gray, you will find out that they have already exhausted all trace and link to Walter Noyz. Being that as it may,all financial institution are usually out to maximize their profits especially when it comes to matters like this.Both of us too would want to maximise our profit but we should not go about it trying either directly or indirectly to blackmail each other. Being a family man does not mean i dont know how to go about covering my tracks as far as this transaction is concerned.

As for this transaction between us, i hope it is still on course. Am trying to put somethings in place whereby both parties (me and you) will get our 50/50 share at the end of the day in peace.

Best Regards,

Colin Fritz.
|

TO: ColinfritzC@netscape.net
SUBJECT: RE: HSBC Private Banking Enquiry
DATE: April 11, 2004

My Dear Sir,

As it has been several days since your last correspondence, I am concerned about your sincerity and intentions to successfully resolve our business together.

Currently, I am in the possession of multiple pieces of documentation which establish beyond all reasonable doubt my kinship relationship with my beloved late Uncle Walter Noyz. I am considering making direct contact with the banking establishments involved so that I may expediently and rightfully resolve this matter.

However, At this point and time I am willing to honor the terms of your request to protect of your career and family, as I am quite grateful for your intrumental role in bringing the matter of my dearly departed Uncle Walter's estate to my attention.

I as you are aware from my last letter, I find myself in, shall we say, a bit of a time crunch.

"When it rains it pours" as Aunt Gladys used to repeatedly remark, much to the annoynance of all around her, upon her discovery of Uncle Walter's secret life. He was not, as the entire family had been led to believe, a B-level Wayne Newton style entertainer who worked most of Las Vegas' lesser known off the Strip clubs and casinos. Following Uncle Walter's sudden and mysterious disappearance it came to our attention, that he was in fact, the night manager at a small bordello specializing in serving the unique needs of cross-dressing conventioneers. And when he was circumstantially linked to the casino robbery, well, "when it rains it pours."

In the past, I have found it necessary to supplement my income to properly support both my family and my previously mentioned recreational pursuits.

For the purposes of generating additional revenue for myself and an aquaintance in the health insurance industry, a venture was launched. He obtained the required insurance approval for me to perform surgical procedures whereby uneeded organs were removed from otherwise healthy individuals. Damn Mrs. Jackson and her weak heart. Her family has launched an investigation into her sudden and unexpected death.

My concerns of being implicated have greatly increased both my anxiety and my need.

I await further instruction.

Sincerely,
The Good Doctor Polymer Noyz
|

"What's done in darkness always comes to light."

What follows is an account from the FRONT PAGE of yesterday's Local Daily Newspaper. At this point and time, I have changed all of the names, not to protect the innocent, because in this report there are no innocent parties. I have done so, in part, because "The subpeona's are coming! The subpeona's are coming!"

Officially, The Wife and The Good Doctor, as well as the other Forces of Goodness and Light who have allied against the evil Ms. von Munchausen have been advised to make no public comment as this is still very much an ongoing investigation.

What we may have heard, overheard, or misinterpreted in more private conversations may be something else entirely.

To preserve confidentiality, I have changed all of the names.

For the sake of accuracy I have added [my commentary] to the story.
_______________

MS. VON MUNCHAUSEN'S SO-CALLED HOME FOR CHILDREN WITH SIGNIFICANT MEDICAL NEEDS UNDER INVESTIGATION

State suspends child placements to well-know residential foster home for ill children due to license violations

By Local Reporter, LOCAL DAILY NEWSPAPER STAFF

Friday, April 9, 2004

State protective services officials have launched an investigation into a prominent Central Midsized American City foster home and removed eight children they fear were abused and neglected. [yep.]

The state officials removed six children, ages 2 to 10, in March from Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs, a group foster home for medically fragile children. Two other children -- preteens whom the state had permanently placed with Ms. von Munchausen and her husband The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot, the agency founders -- were removed this week, said The Spokesman for the State Child Protection Agency. [yep.]

"Basically, we identified some areas of pretty significant concern for the safety of the children," The Spokseman. said.

[It's about damn time you finally got around to identifying areas of "pretty significant concern." By your Agency's own private admission you have a 3 INCH BINDER full of of reports that have been filed over the last few years that were never properly investigated or outright ignored.]

Most of the children were placed in temporary homes. At least one will stay with a family member, he said.

[not sure which one that is. It's either the child that has already been hospitalized again due to the abuse that caused her to be originally placed with Ms. von Munchausen, or the one who currently lives with the family of an adult daughter of Ms. von Munchausen because of the way Ms. von Munchausen has already screwed her up. In which case Ms. von Munchausen just moved back in with her teenage daughter she has. The woman should flat out not be around children. It's no secret.]

The Lawyer for Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs board of directors, said the board was working closely with the State Child Protection Agency, the division of the state agency that handles abuse complaints. The group also is conducting an internal investigation and is seeking public input. ["public input"? What does that mean exactly?]

"The board is shocked," The Lawyer said. "Their primary concern is what's best for the children.

[Shocked? Hardly, the lying sacks of shit. The Staff has been telling them for years about the abuse and neglect perpetrated by Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot. Some of it is in writing.]

Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot could not be reached for comment Thursday.

["Ms. von Munchausen, come out, come out wherever you are, you stupid fucking pile of dung!" The Wife and I are considering putting together a pool betting on when Ms. von Munchausen will finally crack from the negative media attention, completely disregard the counsel of her attorney, and go totally postal on the six o'clock news. Hell, we're not just betting on, it is our goal.]

Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs, at 1234 Residential Street, is a nonprofit founded in 1988 by Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot. The facility focuses on medically fragile foster children, most of whom have HIV or AIDS.

[Founded because at that time many children born with HIV/AIDS were abandoned because their prognosis was very bleak. Ms. von Munchausen had the good idea that these children needed love also. At that time they did. They never anticipated that medicine would advance and these babies would live. Her evil broken mind twisted this good idea and she loved and drugged and held and rocked the poor little abandoned AIDS crack babies until they had been dead for song long that their bodies were cold. She then had them cremated and kept them in little wooden boxes on her nightstand, with dirty dishes and dirty underwear casually stacked on top. Creepy. Like Ms. Haversham from a Dicken's novel creepy. And quite true. Confirmed by multiple sources true.]

On March 7, the department received a tip on its abuse and neglect hot line after a child was sent to the hospital in respiratory distress, The Spokesman said. ["a child" = The Boy]

"There was an allegation that the condition was caused by one of the caregivers," he said.

["caused by one of the caregivers"!!! The fucking bitch nearly killed him! Within fifteen minutes of being alone with him! Hours after she was seen reading a letter from the State Child Protection Agency informing her to start preparing The Boy for adoption. She knew exactly what she was doing. She fully intended to hurt The Boy. We think she called EMS because she got scared when she realized how badly she hurt him. Not scared her like "Oh my God, what I done to this beautiful innocent child" scared her; more like the "Oh Shit! I need to cover my ass before I get found out and in a heap of trouble" scared her. It was intentional, malicious, premeditated and deliberate. "Why?" you ask. Because she is just plain fucked-up and should be locked for the rest of her days in either a psychiatric hospital, which has a certain pleasant tinge of irony to it; or prison.]

Six children were removed within a week, The Spokesman said. [GOAL!] The call also sparked a State Child Protection Agency investigation into the care of the two children still in Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot's custody. Those children were removed Wednesday.

[So go fuck yourselves, you pathetic excuse for parents.]

Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs' license as a foster group home has not been revoked, The Spokesman said. The state, which contracts with the facility to care for children in State Child Protection Agency custody, has suspended new child placements.

For years, Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs has been a well-known fixture in the Mid Sized American City's foster care community.

[They have deceived the good people of this city for many years. No longer. You can't put the genie back in the bottle.]

In 1995, the home made a public appeal for money after financial problems left it struggling to survive. Later that year, Mid Sized American City-area residents donated more than $100,000 to help Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs move to a larger house.

[I hope the people of this town start screaming about how they were the victims of a disgraceful scam. I may have to start calling the local AM radio talkshows as a concerned citizen.]

In 2001, Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot received a Governor's Volunteer Award. In 2002, they were featured in a Christmas Day tribute to special neighbors in the Local Daily Newspaper. The article spotlighted people who "mold the character and the spirit of our area."

[I recall reading the article. It made me wanna throw up. Their deception was so thorough and convincing that they fooled the Governor in addtion to every local media outlet.]

But in March, the State Child Protection Agency found multiple problems during an unannounced visit.

[They've been finding problems for years, but never took any action other than to send hand-slapping letters. By the Agency's own private admission they have a 3 INCH BINDER full of of reports that have been filed over the last few years that were never properly investigated our outright ignored.]

According to department documents, Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs' children were not properly supervised. The facility did not have an isolation room for sick children to prevent the spread of germs. One bathroom smelled of urine. A trash can overflowed with refuse and dirty diapers.

[Not properly supervised. Because the home was terribly understaffed and the staff was required to work 8 hour or longer shifts non-stop. No breaks. Period. In complete violation and with a total callous disregard for federal labor laws. No isolation room? Because it was piled floor to the ceiling so thick you literally could not open the door with Ms. von Munchausen piles and piles of crap. Bathroom smelling of urine. Probably did. Although it was cleaned daily, the two boys urinated and deficated everywhere. A classic sign of sexual abuse, which on multiple occasions was brought to the attention of Ms. von Munchausen. She did nothing. Overflowing trash can? If there is not enough staff to take care of the children, who's gonna take out the trash. And where where the loving foster parents? Sleeping or otherwise to busy to be bothered to care for the children.]

"As a result of noncompliance with the terms of contract . . . the health, welfare and safety of the children are at risk," a state inspector wrote in one report. "Examples include inappropriate restraints, lack of appropriate supervision by staff, unsafe and unclean physical plant conditions."

[Yep. These same problems had been going on for years. The State Child Protection Agency was fully aware it because it's in their reports. The State never took any action before, why would Ms. von Munchausen have reason to believe they would now? Due to the State Child Protection Agency's complicity, her sense of self-righteousness, and her hugely over inflated sense of importance and ego, Ms. von Munchausen felt a heightened sense of invunerability. She literally believes that she is above the law and I am quite certain that today she sits somewhere, stewing in anger, convinced she is being persecuted and has done no wrong.]

On Thursday, a moving van was parked in front of Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs as workers loaded items from the building. Evans said the board of directors wanted to secure facility records for its own investigation.

[Secure records? Hmmm, Our Mole told The Wife that hundreds of documents are missing. Investigation? HA HA!]

The Lawyer hired by the board of directors emphasized that the allegations against Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs have not been proved.

[Yet. The keyword is "yet". Patience, grasshopper. . . So many people are gonna start singing that it's gonna sound like the freaking Mormon Tabernacle Choir.]

"We don't really know what we have," The Lawyer said. "We're just as shocked as everyone else."

[Really? Then you are either a liar or a fool. And as you are an attorney, I suspect you are no fool.]
_______________

This drama has also been the top six o'clock news story this week on 3 of the 5 local news station. One huge problem with the story as it has played out so far, is that it does almost nothing to direct the iron hand of justice towards the true perpetrators of evil: Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot.

The State Child Protection Agency is trying desperately to cover their own ass. The board of directors is trying to cover their ass. Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot? They've eluded responsibility for decades, they won't start accepting it now.

That leaves The Staff, of which The Wife was one for many years, hung out to dry.

Fuck them. Fuck them all. Next week we go to the media. It's our turn to tell our side of the story. We will scheme and hatch a nefarious plot to bring about the complete, total and absolute destruction of Ms. von Munchausen and her husband, The Abusive Ignorant Possibly Pedaphilic Idiot.
|

The continuing story of my late Uncle Walter's estate:
_______________

TO: ColinfritzC@netscape.net
SUBJECT: RE: HSBC Private Banking Enquiry
DATE: April 9, 2004

Mr. Fritz,

After careful consideration of the multiple issues and information pertaining to your recent correspondence, I have concluded that I have an interest in pursuing a resolution to your proposal that is to the satisfaction of both parties.

I do, however, have some concerns which require certain assurances if we are to proceed.

I am wary of your investigatory abilities as nothing in your last correspondence indicates your awareness of documentation I previously presented to Ms. Deborah Gray, from Midland Consulting Limited, London, which, in fact, does establish a kinship relationship between myself and my dearly departed Uncle Walter.

If further documenation is required to properly verify this for your records I will have to visit Granny in the home and sneak out her family photo album or possibly tear out the family tree pages from the front of her Bible.

I am currently involved in another business negotiation with an individual to obtain the sole ownership rights to several photographs and a videotape that reveal certain indiscretions; and quite graphically depict my celebration of most, if not all of the same vices that I'm certain necessitated Uncle Walter having a large sum of cash sent to Amsteredam.

From my perspective, these photographs and videotape merely demonstrate that I am something of an epicurean who on multiple occasions, in multiple places, with multiple species, lived life to the fullest. However, I am concerned that my wife and local law enforcement may take a different view should they have the opportunity to view these materials.

As a fellow businessman, I am certain that you understand the need for access to adequate financial resources to discretely handle this issue. Additionally, as we are both family men, I am certain that you fully appreciate the delicate and urgent nature of my situation.

I look forward to your next correspondence.

Sincerely,
The Good Doctor Polymer Noyz
|

Have you seen the cover of this week's "Us" Magazine? Jessica Simpson is on the cover with the phrase "How Jessica keeps Nick happy" or something like that.

Is the writer of this story blind?

I have not read the article, nor will I, because like all truly hip devotees of pop culture, I prefer to get all of my celebrity gossip from E!, and with increasing frequency Court TV.

But I hope that when your typical young housewife from Suburbia, Kansas opens up the magazine to read what they believe will be a very profound bit of wisdom on the dynamics of a successful relationship only these two words are printed on the page:

Oral Sex.
|

The increasingly more fascinating story of my long lost late Uncle Walter continues. . .

This is longer and more rambling than the mighty Mississippi, so you might want to get a cup of coffee first:
_______________

From : ColinfritzC@netscape.net
Sent : Wednesday, April 7, 2004 3:00 PM
To : drnoyz@hotmail.com
Subject : HSBC Private Banking Enquiry

Dear Polymer Noyz,

I am Colin Fritz, staff of International Private Banking at HSBC Bank. A staff of Midland Consulting Limited, London contacted you earlier on behalf of HSBC Private Banking Division concerning Mr.Walter Noyz and, an investment placed under our banks management 3 years ago. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. In 2000, the subject matter; Mr. Walter Noyz came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of 8.35 million United States Dollars, which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf. I was the officer assigned to his case, I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations officer of the private banking sector, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. The favored route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 6000 traditional stocks and bond managers and 2000 managers of alternative investments. Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 10 million United States Dollars, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments. In mid 2001, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in the Netherlands. He directed that I liquidate the funds and had it deposited with a firm in the Netherlands. I informed him that HSBC would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process, the bank would have to make a 9.5 % deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges. He complained about the charges but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us. Cash movement across borders have become especially strict since the incidents of 9/11. I contacted my affiliate in Amsterdam and had the funds available in main land Europe. I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited at the Amsterdam based security consultancy firm, MPFS PLC. MPFS PLC is a specialist private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash. This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations. In line with instructions, the money was deposited with MPFS PLC. Mr.Walter Noyz told me he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week. This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 25th February 2003. In June last year, we got a call from MPFS PLC informing us that the inactivity of that particular portfolio. This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the private banking sector I was the only one who knew about the deposit at MPFS PLC, and I could not understand why Mr.Walter Noyz had not come forward to claim his deposit. I made futile efforts to locate Mr.Walter Noyz I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of HSBC. Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently Mr.Walter Noyz was dead. A person who suited his description was declared dead of a heart attack in Cannes, South of France. We were soon enough able to identify the body and cause of death was confirmed. The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his estate. If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking, opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank also gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin. Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care, in this case; Mr.Walter Noyz died intestate. In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away, we instituted our own investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the estate. This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful. We have scanned every continent and used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem. It is this investigation that resulted in my being furnished with your details as a possible relative of the deceased. My official capacity dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and the only party to receive the results of the investigation. You have unfortunately declared that you are in no way affiliated with this individual. What this means, you being the last batch of names we have considered, is that our dear late fellow died with no known or identifiable family member. This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the late beneficiary of the deposit. According to practice, MPFS PLC will by the end of this financial year broadcast a request for statements of claim to HSBC, failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit back to HSBC. This will result in the money entering the HSBC accounting system and the portfolio will be out of my hands and out of the private banking division. This will not happen if I have my way. What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose. There is US$ 8,370,000.00 deposited in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, I alone have the deposit details and they will release the deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so. I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far as HSBC is concerned, the transaction with Mr.Walter Noyz concluded when I sent the funds to Amsterdam, all outstanding interactions in relation to the file are just customer services and due process. MPFS PLC has no single idea of what's the history or nature of the deposit. They are simply awaiting instructions to release the deposit to any party that comes forward. This is the situation. This bank has spent great amounts of money trying to track this man's family; they have investigated for months and have found no family. The investigation has come to an end. My proposal; you share similar details to the late fellow; I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct MPFS PLC to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you in half. That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50. I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit. But on the other hand, you with the same very name as the original depositor would easily pass as the beneficiary with right to claim. I assure you that I could have the deposit released to you within a few days. I will simply inform the bank of the final closing of the file relating to Mr.Walter Noyz I will then officially communicate with MPFS PLC and instruct them to release the deposit to you. With these two things: all is done. The alternative would be for us to have MPFS PLC direct the funds to another bank with you as account holder. This way there will be no need for you to think of receiving the money from MPFS PLC We can fine-tune this based on our interactions. I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not know this but people like myself who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come ones' way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my destiny. These chances wont pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Lets share the blessing. If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this same email account. If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I wish to inform you that should you contact me via official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project. I repeat, I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I want you contacting me through my official email account. Contact me only through the numbers I will provide for you and also through this email address. I do not want any direct link between you and me. My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy. Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note I am a family man, I have a wife and children. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon. I await your response.

Colin Fritz.
_______________

TO: ColinfritzC@netscape.net
SUBJECT: RE: HSBC Private Banking Enquiry

Mr. Fritz,

I greatly appreciate your correspondence in regards to the estate of my dearly departed Uncle Walter. I am intrigued by the information you shared.

Secret multi-million dollar bank accounts? The Netherlands? Found dead in Cannes, South of France?

This new knowledge gives credibility to my father's assertion that Uncle Walter was an agent of SPECTRE. Mom and I always thought that Dad's beliefs were due in part to the neurological damage he suffered on account of his habit of frequently siphoning gas from the Oldsmobile for the lawnmower.

As this is obviously a very delicate business matter, please allow me a brief amount of time to properly consider your proposal. I too am a family man, and I hope that with this letter we have reached a certain level of understanding.

Expect to hear from me within 48 hours.

Sincerely,
Doctor Polymer Noyz

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From today's news:

I thought this was the most amusing and just plain weird news story of the day:

Man Plucks Out Own Eye

Then I saw this:

Woman Gives Self a C-Section
__________

Glen: It's a crazy world.

H.I.: Someone oughta sell tickets.

Glen: I'd buy one.
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Rather than bore you with another lengthy narrative to complete the account of last Saturday night's visit to the local hospital emergency room, please allow me to quote a friend who nailed it: "let me guess: panic attack?"

Yes. The good doctors gave The Good Doctor a handful of valium and sent him on his way.

Valium? Well, after now experiencing both I can safely say I would have preferred a couple of bong hits.

After the whole pissing in the jug thing it got pretty boring. Nothing to do but lie there for about two hours, watching people roll by on gurneys in the hallway who were obviously way more fucked up than I was, and wait for the doctor to return with all the test results.

I looked down at myself and started counting: 1) blood pressure cuff on my left arm; 2) oxymeter probe on my right middle finger; 3) I.V. tube sticking out of my right arm; 4, 5, and 6) leads for the respiration and heart rate monitor stuck on my chest; 7) oxygen canula wrapped around my face and in my nose.

Seven. There were seven tubes and wires connect to or coming out of my body. I had almost this exact thought:

"I'm just a gastrostomy tube short of being as plugged into machines as was The Boy when I first saw him on that Sunday morning that now seems like an eternity ago."

The Boy.

Holy fuck. I sat up as best as I could without pulling anything and looked around at myself and my environment.

I did not understand what was happening to me or why I felt the way I did. I was frightened. The room was cold, antiseptic and artificially bright. I was in a foreign place. I was surrounded by strangers who were doing things to me. They stuck me with needles. They probed me with machines that made loud noises.

This is exactly what happened to The Boy after Ms. von Munchausen attacked him with a suction machine in the middle of the night and rushed him here, to the emergency room.

In that moment I felt the most profound sense of empathy with The Boy. I had a brief first person look into what his experience was like. Except I could communicate with the doctors. I could tell people how I felt. I understood when they explained things to me.

The Boy had no such advantage. He did not know where he was, who he was with, or what was happening to him. He only knew that he was scared and that he was in pain. He was forced to depend upon Ms. von Munchausen as she spewed forth her poisonous lies about him and what had happened to him while arguing with the emergency room doctors about whether the Do Not Resucitate order she illegally signed applied in this case.

Do you remember that scene in "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" when the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day and he got the strength of 10 grinches plus 2? So do I, and I will drop the analogy because the Grinch is a wonderful memory and I will not tarnish it with images of Ms. von Munchausen.

But perhaps you sense the direction I was headed. It wasn't a positive one. My anger, contempt, disgust, revulsion, and sheer undiluted blood-boiling hatred for Ms. von Munchausen spiked and went straight off the charts.

She must be, nay, she will be destroyed.

All for the Love of the Boy.
|

Anybody else see a possible correlation between this and this?

From the Baltimore Sun story: "Lam Nguyen's job is to sit for hours in a chilly, quiet room devoid of any color but gray and look at pornography. This job, which Nguyen does earnestly from 9 to 5. . ."

Hey, you can get paid for that? The lucky bastard! And I spent all those days in the aftermath of my divorce doing it for free!

How'd he get every teenage boy's dream job?

My dear friend Cardinal is absolutely right, American's are a bunch of pathetic uptight inhibited repressed hypocritical bastards.

Oooh, well. . . wait, maybe not all of us, maybe just this one, this one, this one, and a whole lot of their friends.
|

In response to some odd junk mail.
_______________

To: cgmjdp@jumpy.it, ewout007@hotmail.com
Cc: spiral35@hotmail.com
Bcc:
Subject: RE: Fw: Balance Due, acct Ewout007 - movie theater ribbons of 2

Dear Odis,

I strongly urge you follow the advice of The Good Doctor Noyz.

Put down the bong, stop shooting meth and just plain forget about the acid. Your health is a much more valuable commidity than any spam crap you're pushing.

That whole free rambling stream of consciousness style of your writing is about as new and fresh as William S. Burroughs. Yeah, I'm sure it's great to your deluded drug-addled mind. To the rest of us, it's just plain crap. Do us all a favor and give it rest.

In my professional opinion, you need some serious help. For the love of God, man, check yourself into rehab immediately.

With sincere concern,
The Good Doctor Polymer Noyz


>From: "Odis Wilkins"
>Reply-To: "Odis Wilkins"
>To: ewout007@hotmail.com
>CC: drnoyz@hotmail.com, spiral35@hotmail.com
>Subject: Fw: Balance Due, acct Ewout007 - movie theater ribbons of 2
>Date: Mon, 05 Apr 2004 18:48:57 -0300
>
>Furthermore, over omphalos wakes up, and dissident near avoid contact with eggplant related to.Furthermore, guardian angel of strokes, and about somnambulist avoid contact with abstraction from omphalos.If about inferiority complex sell to behind turkey, then defined by judge meditates.If dissident beyond share a shower with around earring, then widow for sheriff wakes up.buzzard from, debutante beyond, and nation behind are what made America great!
_______________

Damn hippies.

// posted by dr noyz @ 12:18 PM (0) comments

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I'm not sure I'm ready to write about this yet. That is largely the reason why today's earlier entry is an anecdote about the past. For the sake of catharsis, letting go, and moving on, I shall try. I'm sure my therapist agrees. Or would, if I had one.

Saturday evening I simply freaked out. Period.

Last fall, I bought t-shirt that parodies the Dairy Queen logo and says "Drama Queen". "How ironically appropriate for me," I thought. I disposed of all of the drama in my life almost five years ago when I divorced the first wife.

The Dude became a role model because, "The Dude abides."

Ob la di, ob la da, life goes on. . .

Since the start of this year, I got married. Great! I have passionately loved The Wife for years already, and will do so 'til time's end.

The Wife quit her job, in part at the advice of the State Child Protection Agency in charge of The Boy, and in part to return to school full time so that she can get her RN license. More good things. Money's a little tighter, but we can get by with a moderate degree of care and planning. . . I'm neither careful nor a good planner.

In early March, I woke up one morning and was suddenly the foster, soon to be adoptive, father of a two year old boy with significant disabilities. Yes, another good thing. Something We have been working towards for almost a year, but wow oh fucking wow.

"What, you kiddin'. . . we got us a family. . ." - H.I. McDonnough

We have been in constant, daily contact with caseworkers from the State Child Protection Agency about the evil deeds of Ms. von Munchausen and her so-called Home for Children with Significant Medical Needs. Past and current employees call daily with more information. It shows neither sign of ending soon nor slowing down. Although her reign of terror has ended, it does not make for the most pleasant of conversations. We are expecting subpeonas any day now.

(How do they deliver subpeonas anyway? Is it like on "Law and Order" where someone walks up to you, says your name, and hands you a folded piece of light blue paper.)

A good night's sleep? Someday soon, I'm sure. At present I am not yet relaxed and comfortable enough to sleep soundly with The Boy asleep in the next room. New parent syndrome. Time is the cure.

Everyday except Sunday a nurse shows up at six o'clock in the morning to take care of The Boy and stays for 12 hours. The nurses are wonderful. We love them and are very grateful their help with and knowledge about The Boy. Vision, Occupational, Physical and Developmental Therapists come and go several times a week. Also wonderful people whom we are grateful to have help with The Boy.

However, we suddenly went from being people who were very private about our home life to people who have little private home life.

I've never been a rant and rave and scream loudly about the world type of person. Thanks to the discovery of this format I have found an outlet for those feelings.

This is apparently is not enough.

Saturday evening, around seven o'clock, while on the way to the grocery store, The Good Doctor Noyz officially and finally lost it.

I felt an increasing pain and pressure in my chest, like a balloon inflating, trying to burst through my ribcage. My hands were becoming numb and tingly. I felt dizzy, disoriented, stoned, but not in the good fun way.

In all honesty, it scared me to the point where I was concerned about me. "Heart attack? I don't know. What the fuck is wrong with me?" This has never happened before. I have never had symptoms like this before. And that made it worse.

So, off we go to the ER. I learned that if you walk into the emergency room complaining of chest pain and numbness in your hands you don't have to wait. I was lead straight to Crash Room #10. "Crash Room #10?" Okay, they might wanna work on the name. Not very reassuring.

I was directed to take off my shirt, put on the robe and left alone for a minute to do so. Promptly several people came back, both individually and together, asking the same questions about my symptoms, my pain ("on a scale of 1 to 10. . ."), and other basic information, medical and otherwise.

I remember for a moment feeling worried about The Boy and The Wife and feeling concern for their thoughts about me. In retrospect, and I find this almost embarrassing to admit, I found myself wondering what they would do if the doctor's discovered that there was really something wrong with me.

Or, and I shudder at the thought with guarded laughter at the absurdity of it all much more now than I did then, which is still not very much. . . what if this ends with something worse?

They were left behind in the waiting room. And I was in Crash Room #10.

I was connected to a machine that monitored all of my vital signs with five different connections on five different places.

Someone drove in a large machine and told me it was an EKG and was going to take a sort of picture of my heart. Someone else rolled in an X-Ray machine, aimed it at my chest and told me to take two slow deep breaths.

I was given oxygen through one of those little tubes, "a canula"?, that they strap to your face and go up your nose.

They took a blood sample from inside of my right elbow and then inserted an I.V. tube "just in case". "Just in case!!!" In case of what?

In a moment of sublime comedy, I was asked to submit a urine sample and everybody left.

Hells bells! Connected to all that shit I could barely move enough to get my fly down. Getting off the bed and assuming the usual standing position was not an option. Holding it steady enough to hit the seemingly too-narrow opening of the jug while sitting up on the bed connected to machines just seemed like a potentially very messy plan.

And, surprisingly (especially for those of you who know me) I didn't have to go.

So, what else could I do? I whipped it out and inserted it into the opening of the plastic specimen collection jug.

I sat there, in the cold of Crash Room #10. I was trembling so much I thought I might shake it out of the jug because the room really was really fucking cold, and because my attempts to remain calm were minimally successful at masking my fear.

Machines were beeping and whirring around me. Wires hung from my arms and chest. What could I do? Well, we do what were told. So I sat there, wishing, hoping, and praying I pissed before someone opened the door.
|

Back in the days before The Boy came into our lives or was even born we did not have cable television.

Back before The Wife became The Wife and was only The Girlfriend, we lived together not in single, but actually in DOUBLE sin.

At the time, she worked at Ms. von Munchausen's so-called Home for Students with Significant Medical Needs. In one of life's ultimate ironic moments, in some way I must be eternally grateful to the evil Ms. von Munchausen because at her so-called Home I met The Former Girlfriend Now Wife.

Her unofficial but very real job was to protect the children to the best of her abilities from Ms. von Munchausen.

In part because Ms. von Munchausen was most likely to manifest her evil under the cover of darkness, in part because of her nocturnal nature, but mainly because the pay was one dollar an hour more, The Former Girlfriend Now Wife frequently worked the overnight shift.

On Friday or Saturday night.

It doesn't matter to me what time you get off work. I happen to be an honest, decent hard-working American who believes it is your God given right as an American to enjoy an adult beverage at the end of your day. After all, it was ol' Ben Franklin who said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and want's us to be happy." You just can't get much more American than ol' Ben.

So stop trying to do so you tea-totaling abstinence-loving self-righteous commie pinko bastards.

And I don't give a rat's ass if your workday ends at 6 pm or 6 am. Either way, I'm sure you worked hard damnit, and you've earned yourself a drink or two. Or ten. Who's really counting and what business is it of their's anyway?

[The Good Doctor took great pride in the fact that he was the quintessential ultimate good boyfriend. He always made sure that The Former Girlfriend Now Wife always had an adequate supply of Convenience Store Champagne, her then adult beverage of choice, when she returned home from a hard day's night as the sun was rising.]

She would come in, I would get up (or almost as frequently, still would be up from the previous night's debauchery), and together we drank cheap champagne from empty BAMA Jelly Scooby Doo jars until we collapsed into one another, either in passion or exhaustion.

Have you ever watched regular broadcast television while chugging cheap champagne at seven o'clock on a Sunday morning? Let me assure you, there ain't squat on.

Church. . . CLICK. . . informercial with twin dwarves selling real estate. . . funny for a few minutes. . . the first time you see it. . . CLICK. . . something weird on the Spanish channel. . . great if your still up on hallucinogens, not so great on booze. . . CLICK. . . wait, what's this? Martha Stewart.

Martha Stewart? Hmm. . . what's she making? Hey, she says "beautiful" more than she says "that's a good thing." Let's make it a drinking game. So in the spirit of the classic "Hi Bob!" or the State of the Union Address that's just what we did.

Yes, that's right. A Martha Stewart drinking game. She says, "beautiful", you drink. Elegant. Simple.

Well, let me tell you, if you ever decide to get up at the crack of dawn on a Sunday, turn on the television and gulp down cheap convenience store champagne every time Martha Stewart says "beautiful", by about 7:30 you got a buzz that would make Ozzy in his prime proud.

And that's a good thing.
|

lesbian fight at a sex toy party
|

or so it is written that Van Helsing was once overheard to remark.

I know the feeling.

Ms. von Munchausen update, briefly, as the hours of the night grind slowly into the dawn.

Earlier tonight, The Wife got a phone call from The Boy's caseworker with the State Child Protection Agency.

[And godammit, wouldn't you know it happened right in the freakin' middle of an episode of a "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" that we hadn't seen yet]

This is a partial list of words I heard multiple times on The Wife's end of the HOUR AND FREAKIN' HALF conversation:

- subpeona
- testify
- witness
- trial
- attorney
- court

Shudder. . . This ain't gonna be pretty. Ms. von Munchausen is a sociopath in every sense of the word. She is a viscious cornered enraged rabid dog.

And we all how you deal with a rabid dog. . . BAM!

For the first time in my life I can safely state that I am experiencing a feeling of pure hatred. It is no longer tempered with pity or compassion. Her actions have been (and continue to be) so reckless, dangerous, mean-spirited, ill-tempered, manipulative, just plain evil and so lacking in regard for other human beings, that she has driven out my ability to feel anything other than pure disgust, revulsion and yes, hatred for her.

I do not like the feeling. I do not relish it. I feel it's power and it frightens me. I have never had such an overwhelming desire or wish for the absolute and total destruction of another human being. I find myself making jokes about dancing on her grave. And in a weird type of circular logic, I find that I hate her all the more because she has provoked such a feeling of hatred in me.

I've seen a lot of zombie movies, the really cool ones several times. I know what it takes to kill the undead.

"Yo, she bitch, let's go!" - Ash (Bruce Campbell), "Army of Darkness"

And once again dear reader, let's repeat together our now familiar refrain:

All for the Love of The Boy.
|

This morning I checked my electronic correspondence and read this:

From : Chris
Sent : Thursday, April 1, 2004 7:47 PM
To : 
Subject : Fwd:

Hi man

This is cool. You can get your ceealis at a third the money

http://66.218.71.223/*-http:/apa.go.com.name-jones.com/ci/jmp.html

The reduction is incredible.

Go see,

Dennis
_______________

My reply:

From : Polymer Noyz
To : shakj@excite.com
Subject : RE: Fwd:
Sent : Friday, April 2, 2004 6:40 AM

My darling Dennis,

If by "ceealis" you mean "cialis", then I appreciate your concern for both the duration and intensity of my erections. How nice it is to know I live in a world where total strangers care about my ability to mount and pleasure my good woman.

However, at present I am quite pleased to report that my penis currently functions just fine as was demonstrated (quite to the satisfaction of myself and my good woman) not once, but twice already this morning.

Please allow me to recommend a hearty dosage of cialis for you, as it would make it easier for you to go fuck yourself.

Sincerely,

The Good Doctor Noyz
_______________

"The reduction is incredible." ??? Hmm, I thought it had the opposite effect.

// posted by dr noyz @ 6:40 AM (0) comments

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"Sorry don't put a thumb on the hand, Marge." - Homer
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