bring the noyz

God! Don'cha just luv'em!

I have ever since I first read The Illuminatus! Trilogy way back during my first year at The University. If my parents had any idea what was in the book they gave me for Christmas that year. . .

So I've got a new conspiracy theory now.

Or, at least I would like to think it is a new one. It'd be nice to beat Drudge with something.

There's this big thing now about Arafat in the news. Is he alive? No, he's dead. Is he dead? No, he's still hangin' on.

Whatever. Right?

Cuz really, do we care?

Hell no! We're 'Mericans for Chris'sakes. If there's one thing we've learned from dubya it's that 'Mericans pretty much don't give a crap about them damn Ay-rabs.

So long as we can get the oil so's we can practice our God given right to crawl down an overcrowded suburban freeway in our freakin' SUV with the DVD player in the back so the kids can be numbed by Nemo while reinforcing the lesson that life happens on a screen and not outside the window.

But I digress. . .

Here now. . . briefly and slightly drunkenly. . . is my minor conspiracy theory about Yasser Arafat:

He's dead.

Period. That's it. The end. Arafat has left the building.

Yasser Arafat has been dead for many hours if not quite yet days.

Yes, my dear reader, while I do not wish that the Shadow of Death darken anyone's doorway, the conspiracy theorist in me wishes to shout out to the world" "Yasser Arafat is dead!"

Which is in a way exactly what I am doing now.

Assuming that's true (and please just bear with me for a few more minutes), where they gonna put him now?

You see, the answer to that question is the crux of my conspiracy theory.

Arafat's been dead for awhile now. The Palestinians and the Israelis are negotiating what to do with the body.

I've learned from NPR there's an Islamic custom about burying the dead within 24 hours.

I don't think it takes a degree in political science to begin to understand just how pissed off the Palestinians will be if the Israelis interfere with one of Islam's customs when it comes to one of their most revered leaders. You can't break tradition without expecting all Hell to break loose, right?

Well, apparently, Arafat wishes to be buried in Jerusalem. The Israeli's say, "no."

So officially, Yasser Arafat will remain alive for as long as it takes the Israelis and the Palestinians to agree on what to do with his body.

Unofficially. . . oooh, it's gettin' kinda stanky.

And that's my big current events conspiracy theory. I thank you for your time.
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