Thursday, March 25, 2004
NOYZ FOR PRESIDENT
Television, has been, and always will be, your friend. Get used to it. Embrace it now. Life just gets easier after acceptance.
Finally, Television is stepping up and claiming the crown of the reality It helped to create. Who needs the current Fat Big Money Bloated Two Party system when we, as Americans, stand on the brink of a mass mob rule style democracy?
Just like on Max Headroom.
When we live in an era where more people can name the contestants on SURVIVOR than can name their elected representatives, would it really be all THAT bad for America if we chose our leaders by calling a 900 number after watching Bush, Kerry and the other weasely scum sucking bastards be berated and belittled by Simon Cowell?
(or Simon Martin. I must have a soft spot in my heart for acerbic Englishmen named Simon.)
I, for one, would love to see Howard Dean shake his groove thang while he covers an Enrique Iglesias song.
How different would that be, I mean really, just how different would it really be from the current situation, where we chose our leaders based upon who looks better wrapped in the Flag in a 30 second montage of meaningless video clips and BLAH BLAH BLAH sound bites?
Well, my fellow Americans, thanks to Showtime, this utopian vision of the future is happening NOW!
Showtime has a new "reality" program called American Candidate. According to their website, "AMERICAN CANDIDATE will attempt to identify one individual who has the qualifications and qualities to be President of the United States."
I am somewhat baffled by the difference in the qualification that Showtime's Presidential candidate must be at least 18 years of age and the Constitutional requirement that the President be at least 35. I've already called both of my state's Senators to suggest they sponsor an amendment to The Constitution that corrects that small oversight of our Founding Fathers.
Senator Orrin Hatch (R, Utah) has already introduced legislation to amend THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA to allow Ah-nold to run for President.
If The Terminator can someday be (s)elected President, why, oh why can't I?
So, I thought, "ah. . . what the fuck (because sometimes, you just gotta say, "what the fuck"), I'll apply for the job."
From my online pre-application:
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT? (400 charater limit. . .)
"For 40 years We have been transforming the jangling dischord of Our Nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. But stop children, what's that sound? The economy? Great if you work for Halliburton. Jobs? Yeah, at the new Wendy's. Healthcare? Brother Bono sings, "The rich stay healthy, the sick stay poor" and while I, yes I, believe in Love, the music's over, turn out the lights. BRING THE NOYZ!"
And all of my opponents fuck farm animals. (that worked for LBJ)
I trust I can count on your support in November.
|
Finally, Television is stepping up and claiming the crown of the reality It helped to create. Who needs the current Fat Big Money Bloated Two Party system when we, as Americans, stand on the brink of a mass mob rule style democracy?
Just like on Max Headroom.
When we live in an era where more people can name the contestants on SURVIVOR than can name their elected representatives, would it really be all THAT bad for America if we chose our leaders by calling a 900 number after watching Bush, Kerry and the other weasely scum sucking bastards be berated and belittled by Simon Cowell?
(or Simon Martin. I must have a soft spot in my heart for acerbic Englishmen named Simon.)
I, for one, would love to see Howard Dean shake his groove thang while he covers an Enrique Iglesias song.
How different would that be, I mean really, just how different would it really be from the current situation, where we chose our leaders based upon who looks better wrapped in the Flag in a 30 second montage of meaningless video clips and BLAH BLAH BLAH sound bites?
Well, my fellow Americans, thanks to Showtime, this utopian vision of the future is happening NOW!
Showtime has a new "reality" program called American Candidate. According to their website, "AMERICAN CANDIDATE will attempt to identify one individual who has the qualifications and qualities to be President of the United States."
I am somewhat baffled by the difference in the qualification that Showtime's Presidential candidate must be at least 18 years of age and the Constitutional requirement that the President be at least 35. I've already called both of my state's Senators to suggest they sponsor an amendment to The Constitution that corrects that small oversight of our Founding Fathers.
Senator Orrin Hatch (R, Utah) has already introduced legislation to amend THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA to allow Ah-nold to run for President.
If The Terminator can someday be (s)elected President, why, oh why can't I?
So, I thought, "ah. . . what the fuck (because sometimes, you just gotta say, "what the fuck"), I'll apply for the job."
From my online pre-application:
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT? (400 charater limit. . .)
"For 40 years We have been transforming the jangling dischord of Our Nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. But stop children, what's that sound? The economy? Great if you work for Halliburton. Jobs? Yeah, at the new Wendy's. Healthcare? Brother Bono sings, "The rich stay healthy, the sick stay poor" and while I, yes I, believe in Love, the music's over, turn out the lights. BRING THE NOYZ!"
And all of my opponents fuck farm animals. (that worked for LBJ)
I trust I can count on your support in November.
|
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