Friday, February 25, 2005
odd harmony of time
Today presents an odd harmony of time.
Exactly one month ago on this date, Curtis chose to end his life.
Exactly four weeks ago on this day, the funeral.
I still think lots about him, but just not everyday.
It was a perfect day for a funeral. Well, not a perfect day because the very nature of the event defies positive description. It was an appropriate day for a funeral. The world was a shadowless gray. The air was cold and damp.
The funeral was part Monty Python and part Reverend Lovejoy. It was held in a giant church that I thought more resembled a shopping mall than a house of worship. Ironically appropriate, I thought, given that is was located somewhere in the homogenous soul crushing belly of the beast that stands as giant monument to the misguided power of American consumer culture, the Suburban Sprawl.
Just because you can't change where you came from doesn't mean you have to like going back, for any reason.
If someone with a greater wisdom and propensity for cliche than I once said something about judging a man by the company he keeps. . .
Then, please allow me to invoke En Vogue:
"What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man"
When discussing the funeral and the days and events surrounding it, No. 6 told me that it would be "Just like our 20 year high school reunion, except even more depressing." On some level that may have been true. I did not attend the reunion so I can not say.
But when I looked around at my peers, the people I know, have known before, a few I met at that time, and one who contacted me recently via e-mail, I saw an amazingly diverse, articulate, successful and talented group of people of all races and creeds. Doctors, teachers, writers, musicians, artists, parents (even another parent of a child with disabilities similar to The Boy's), software developers and other hi-tech professionals. Business people from across the spectrum, accountants, real estate, etc.
All of us drawn together and connected by the common thread that was and forever will be Curtis.
Oddly enough, I don't recall meeting any lawyers. The Curtis I remember dreamed of being Michal Kuzak or Victor Sufuentes on L.A. Law. He talked of someday arguing great cases before the Supreme Court, of being a crusader for truth and justice.
His career as an attorney didn't turn out like that. Who knows? That may have been a factor.
Not everyone who wished to be there at the funeral could be there. That is understandable. Lives move in a myriad of ways and multitude of directions.
As a service to those people and for those of us who were there and would like to remember or to share with others, I am honored on this strange anniversary to present the official eulogy from the service.
It was the most moving and most difficult speech ever delivered by the One, the Only, the Wade.
I met Curtis in 1977, and I’ve talked about him countless times. I never imagined doing so in this setting. But I am honored to do so, as I feel honored to have known him, and am comforted by the faces of the family and friends gathered today to pay their respects.
What I have to say is for you, the living. Together we ride waves of shock, confusion, anger, sadness, remorse and helplessness. I’m sure each of us will anguish over the question ‘WHY’?. There is no answer. This is a riddle for which there will be no answer. We should not dwell on death, but instead turn our thoughts and energy towards life, and towards offering support for Curtis’s family, and for each other.
So today, we gather here to celebrate the life of Curtis Mulkey, our dear friend, brother, and son. We are here today because he touched all of our lives. In the faces among us, I see close friends that Curtis has known for decades. I’m not sure how many people can say they have as many long-term, and life-long relationships as Curtis had. He enjoyed being surrounded by his friends. He would drop everything for his friends. Amongst friends, Curtis was bursting with Joy and Warmth.
He had a charm, wit, and sense of humor that drew people to him, and kept them there. He took genuine pleasure in the people he knew. Curtis had an innate curiosity, and devoured information. Curtis had a voracious mind, both blessed, and burdened, with extreme intelligence.
His love of books was no doubt fostered by Tish, and in the Mulkey household, intellectual capital was never at a premium. Curtis was responsible for turning me on to ALL of my favorite authors. In so many ways, who I am today, what I think and feel, is a direct result of his wisdom and intelligence. In my estimation, however, Curtis’ greatest gift was his wry sense of humour, which many of us share.
Curtis was Co-Captain and Ringleader on too many Capers to recount. I’ve already shared some of my memories of Curtis with friends, and I’ve shared a special one with his family. In the weeks and months ahead, we will all recall and share more memories of Curtis. My own priceless experiences with Curtis would keep us here for hours. Instead, this morning, I will share a few of yours.
For example, Senderling and Curtis always took pride recalling how Curtis was there the first time Jon ever played at a club. They were chaperoned by their parents because they were only 15, and the bouncer threatened to break their hands if they touched a drink. Twenty three years later, Jon was still playing, and Curtis was still coming to listen.
Many recall Curtis at his happiest away from Civilization, camping, on a mountain, or in a cabin. Whether rock climbing in Colorado, or relentlessly out-fishing the competition, many of you felt Curtis found his Greatest Peace in the Great Outdoors.
Curtis was incredibly proud of his brother Jonathan. It is so rare for an older brother to look up to his younger sibling. When Jonathan was playing with one of the greatest bands in Dallas, Curtis was so proud, and he glowed with pride when all of his friends went to see his brother play. One such gig led to a special moment for two people in this room. Curtis brought people together, and on 6 January 1994, Curtis invited Kirstin to go see Jonathan's band play at the Galaxy Club.
Kirstin endured the opening act of Loveswing with their stage decoration of hundreds of candles. At some point during the night, Curtis introduced her to a man wearing a leather trench and a baseball cap. It's now 11 years later, and Simon and Kiri are blissfully married. Thank you, Curtis, for bringing them together.
Curtis was the Best Man at Randy’s wedding. With Confidence and Poise, he gave a thoughtful, heartfelt toast to Randy and Kelly, and their future together. He also helped the Groom and Groomsmen “Limber Up” for the ceremony. On this night, Curtis’ playful nature was never more evident. While the bride and bridesmaids were preparing, Curtis led the guys in to the Church Gym for a fullcourt game of basketball. . . in their Tuxes.
I must relate one final story, from Vines High School, in the early ‘80s. A special group of people in this room were all together in the Talented and Gifted Program, and many were also on the Quiz Team that competed against teams from other schools. I apologize in advance if you don’t find it hilarious, but at the time it brought the house down. It encapsulates the Gonzo Spirit of Intellectual Humor that we all shared from a very young age.
During WhizQuiz competitions, Curtis would often hit the buzzer long before the question was complete, and 90% of the time he could guess the answer to an incomplete question. I fondly remember the beaming smile on O.C.’s face during these moments. But one time, there was a three-part question on Islam. As usual, Curtis was the first to buzz in. Of course, he easily identified Mohammed as Islam’s Prophet, and the Koran as Islam’s Holy Text. However, the final part of the question was: “what is the Hegira?” There was a pause. No one knew. The moderator repeated “what is the Hegira?” … There was a moment of tension. …. The moderator said “final answer, what is the Hegira?” …. then, as one, Jake and Curtis both blurted out, “it was their football team.” (That wasn’t the correct answer, but at the time we rolling in the aisles).
Our relationship with Curtis is forever altered, but he will always be with us, in our thoughts, in our memories, in our dreams, and in the hereafter. We feel his presence recalling these moments. The fabric of our lives are forever intertwined.
This morning, though, not only do we rejoice in his life, but we allow the healing to begin. Turn grief in to positive energy, and send it out to him. Take time each day; recall the moments we had together. Think of him and allow yourself to smile, laugh, and in that way, he lives on through each of us. Instead of grieving our loss, we must feel blessed and fortunate to have Curtis Mulkey in each of our lives.
We will never know the answer to the question we all ask. There is only one certainty, one enduring truth: everyone in this room knew Curtis, and the only Truth we will ever know, is that Curtis is our friend.
And on behalf of all of his friends, I say, goodbye, Curtis Mulkey, Godspeed, and may the force be with you.
I leave you with selected words from one of our favorite authors:
And you and I climb, crossing the shapes of the morning.
And you and I reach, over the sun, for the river.
And you and I climb, clearer, to-wards the movement.
And you and I called, Over valleys of endless seas.
We architects of life, Developing words that linger
Through fields of green, through open eyes, This for us to see
You can mend the wires
You can feed the soul a part
You can touch your life
You can bring your soul alive
Many moons cascade one river
They light from side to side
As we cross in close proximity
Like rivers our hearts entwine
As we flow down life's rivers
We see the stars glow one by one
All angels of the magic constellation
Be singing us now
|
Exactly one month ago on this date, Curtis chose to end his life.
Exactly four weeks ago on this day, the funeral.
I still think lots about him, but just not everyday.
Goodbye Max
Goodbye Ma
After the service
When you're walking slowly to the car
And the silver in her hair shines in the cold november air
You hear the tolling bell
And touch the silk in your lapel
And as the tear drops rise to meet the comfort of the band
You take her frail hand
And hold on to the dream
- Roger Waters
It was a perfect day for a funeral. Well, not a perfect day because the very nature of the event defies positive description. It was an appropriate day for a funeral. The world was a shadowless gray. The air was cold and damp.
The funeral was part Monty Python and part Reverend Lovejoy. It was held in a giant church that I thought more resembled a shopping mall than a house of worship. Ironically appropriate, I thought, given that is was located somewhere in the homogenous soul crushing belly of the beast that stands as giant monument to the misguided power of American consumer culture, the Suburban Sprawl.
Just because you can't change where you came from doesn't mean you have to like going back, for any reason.
If someone with a greater wisdom and propensity for cliche than I once said something about judging a man by the company he keeps. . .
Then, please allow me to invoke En Vogue:
"What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man"
When discussing the funeral and the days and events surrounding it, No. 6 told me that it would be "Just like our 20 year high school reunion, except even more depressing." On some level that may have been true. I did not attend the reunion so I can not say.
But when I looked around at my peers, the people I know, have known before, a few I met at that time, and one who contacted me recently via e-mail, I saw an amazingly diverse, articulate, successful and talented group of people of all races and creeds. Doctors, teachers, writers, musicians, artists, parents (even another parent of a child with disabilities similar to The Boy's), software developers and other hi-tech professionals. Business people from across the spectrum, accountants, real estate, etc.
All of us drawn together and connected by the common thread that was and forever will be Curtis.
Oddly enough, I don't recall meeting any lawyers. The Curtis I remember dreamed of being Michal Kuzak or Victor Sufuentes on L.A. Law. He talked of someday arguing great cases before the Supreme Court, of being a crusader for truth and justice.
His career as an attorney didn't turn out like that. Who knows? That may have been a factor.
Not everyone who wished to be there at the funeral could be there. That is understandable. Lives move in a myriad of ways and multitude of directions.
As a service to those people and for those of us who were there and would like to remember or to share with others, I am honored on this strange anniversary to present the official eulogy from the service.
It was the most moving and most difficult speech ever delivered by the One, the Only, the Wade.
I met Curtis in 1977, and I’ve talked about him countless times. I never imagined doing so in this setting. But I am honored to do so, as I feel honored to have known him, and am comforted by the faces of the family and friends gathered today to pay their respects.
What I have to say is for you, the living. Together we ride waves of shock, confusion, anger, sadness, remorse and helplessness. I’m sure each of us will anguish over the question ‘WHY’?. There is no answer. This is a riddle for which there will be no answer. We should not dwell on death, but instead turn our thoughts and energy towards life, and towards offering support for Curtis’s family, and for each other.
So today, we gather here to celebrate the life of Curtis Mulkey, our dear friend, brother, and son. We are here today because he touched all of our lives. In the faces among us, I see close friends that Curtis has known for decades. I’m not sure how many people can say they have as many long-term, and life-long relationships as Curtis had. He enjoyed being surrounded by his friends. He would drop everything for his friends. Amongst friends, Curtis was bursting with Joy and Warmth.
He had a charm, wit, and sense of humor that drew people to him, and kept them there. He took genuine pleasure in the people he knew. Curtis had an innate curiosity, and devoured information. Curtis had a voracious mind, both blessed, and burdened, with extreme intelligence.
His love of books was no doubt fostered by Tish, and in the Mulkey household, intellectual capital was never at a premium. Curtis was responsible for turning me on to ALL of my favorite authors. In so many ways, who I am today, what I think and feel, is a direct result of his wisdom and intelligence. In my estimation, however, Curtis’ greatest gift was his wry sense of humour, which many of us share.
Curtis was Co-Captain and Ringleader on too many Capers to recount. I’ve already shared some of my memories of Curtis with friends, and I’ve shared a special one with his family. In the weeks and months ahead, we will all recall and share more memories of Curtis. My own priceless experiences with Curtis would keep us here for hours. Instead, this morning, I will share a few of yours.
For example, Senderling and Curtis always took pride recalling how Curtis was there the first time Jon ever played at a club. They were chaperoned by their parents because they were only 15, and the bouncer threatened to break their hands if they touched a drink. Twenty three years later, Jon was still playing, and Curtis was still coming to listen.
Many recall Curtis at his happiest away from Civilization, camping, on a mountain, or in a cabin. Whether rock climbing in Colorado, or relentlessly out-fishing the competition, many of you felt Curtis found his Greatest Peace in the Great Outdoors.
Curtis was incredibly proud of his brother Jonathan. It is so rare for an older brother to look up to his younger sibling. When Jonathan was playing with one of the greatest bands in Dallas, Curtis was so proud, and he glowed with pride when all of his friends went to see his brother play. One such gig led to a special moment for two people in this room. Curtis brought people together, and on 6 January 1994, Curtis invited Kirstin to go see Jonathan's band play at the Galaxy Club.
Kirstin endured the opening act of Loveswing with their stage decoration of hundreds of candles. At some point during the night, Curtis introduced her to a man wearing a leather trench and a baseball cap. It's now 11 years later, and Simon and Kiri are blissfully married. Thank you, Curtis, for bringing them together.
Curtis was the Best Man at Randy’s wedding. With Confidence and Poise, he gave a thoughtful, heartfelt toast to Randy and Kelly, and their future together. He also helped the Groom and Groomsmen “Limber Up” for the ceremony. On this night, Curtis’ playful nature was never more evident. While the bride and bridesmaids were preparing, Curtis led the guys in to the Church Gym for a fullcourt game of basketball. . . in their Tuxes.
I must relate one final story, from Vines High School, in the early ‘80s. A special group of people in this room were all together in the Talented and Gifted Program, and many were also on the Quiz Team that competed against teams from other schools. I apologize in advance if you don’t find it hilarious, but at the time it brought the house down. It encapsulates the Gonzo Spirit of Intellectual Humor that we all shared from a very young age.
During WhizQuiz competitions, Curtis would often hit the buzzer long before the question was complete, and 90% of the time he could guess the answer to an incomplete question. I fondly remember the beaming smile on O.C.’s face during these moments. But one time, there was a three-part question on Islam. As usual, Curtis was the first to buzz in. Of course, he easily identified Mohammed as Islam’s Prophet, and the Koran as Islam’s Holy Text. However, the final part of the question was: “what is the Hegira?” There was a pause. No one knew. The moderator repeated “what is the Hegira?” … There was a moment of tension. …. The moderator said “final answer, what is the Hegira?” …. then, as one, Jake and Curtis both blurted out, “it was their football team.” (That wasn’t the correct answer, but at the time we rolling in the aisles).
Our relationship with Curtis is forever altered, but he will always be with us, in our thoughts, in our memories, in our dreams, and in the hereafter. We feel his presence recalling these moments. The fabric of our lives are forever intertwined.
This morning, though, not only do we rejoice in his life, but we allow the healing to begin. Turn grief in to positive energy, and send it out to him. Take time each day; recall the moments we had together. Think of him and allow yourself to smile, laugh, and in that way, he lives on through each of us. Instead of grieving our loss, we must feel blessed and fortunate to have Curtis Mulkey in each of our lives.
We will never know the answer to the question we all ask. There is only one certainty, one enduring truth: everyone in this room knew Curtis, and the only Truth we will ever know, is that Curtis is our friend.
And on behalf of all of his friends, I say, goodbye, Curtis Mulkey, Godspeed, and may the force be with you.
I leave you with selected words from one of our favorite authors:
And you and I climb, crossing the shapes of the morning.
And you and I reach, over the sun, for the river.
And you and I climb, clearer, to-wards the movement.
And you and I called, Over valleys of endless seas.
We architects of life, Developing words that linger
Through fields of green, through open eyes, This for us to see
You can mend the wires
You can feed the soul a part
You can touch your life
You can bring your soul alive
Many moons cascade one river
They light from side to side
As we cross in close proximity
Like rivers our hearts entwine
As we flow down life's rivers
We see the stars glow one by one
All angels of the magic constellation
Be singing us now
|
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