Wednesday, August 04, 2010
pleasing burger
Sorry for the delay, my dear reader, yesterday was a full day conducive to neither writing nor reminiscing. But here now submitted for your approval, the conclusion of "cricket".
When I was in high school I worked at a grocery store in a typical 80's suburban strip mall in the heart of a The Sprawl. You know them, you've seen them, you still shop there. My dearest friend Chris was no longer in the employment of this grocery store and worked at the Burger King on the other side of the parking lot.
Every autumn there was a giant cricket invasion. In the evening swarms of them would descend. Where they came from I do not know. I suspect the great swarms were partially the result of the natural habitats of their typical predators: the birds, lizards, toads, and such; being wiped out on a mammoth scale by the rapid expansion of The Sprawl. But I'm not a biologist, it is only my speculation.
They would descend in the bright parking lot lights and cover sidewalks and storefronts. It was almost Biblical. I remember myself and my fellow checkers and bag-boys taking turns in front of the store with push-brooms, doing our best to stem the encroaching black tide. But you couldn't stop all of them, there were just too damn many. Some got through. You would find them everywhere, at times in the oddest of places, a single solitary cricket wandering lost and confused.
As they could not be kept out of the grocery store, they could also not be kept out of the Burger King.
And now the point of the story (allowing for the errors of memory and the embellishment of time). . .
One night when Chris was working the drive-thru, a non-favorite but familiar voice placed an order. It was an officer of the local police, grabbing a quick bite. I feel as though we knew this particular officer, possibly because he was one of those who moonlighted as undercover security at the grocery store, or perhaps we had previously made his acquaintance in less than pleasant social circumstances. With the passage of a quarter century or so I am no longer certain.
He ordered some sort of cheeseburger. Now Burger King may advertise that they old-school flame-broil all of their burgers but at least in the 80's they added cheese in a more modern way: the microwave oven.
Chris was preparing this officer's burger. He saw a wayward cricket. There was a slice of cheese and a microwave oven.
Yes, my dear reader, you know quite well where this is going.
Moments later, it was wrapped up and served to one of The Sprawl's Finest.
A "pleasing burger" is what Chris called it. Apparently that scene in 'Waiting' isn't far from the truth.
As far as we know, the officer ate it without noticing, as nothing happened afterwards.
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When I was in high school I worked at a grocery store in a typical 80's suburban strip mall in the heart of a The Sprawl. You know them, you've seen them, you still shop there. My dearest friend Chris was no longer in the employment of this grocery store and worked at the Burger King on the other side of the parking lot.
Every autumn there was a giant cricket invasion. In the evening swarms of them would descend. Where they came from I do not know. I suspect the great swarms were partially the result of the natural habitats of their typical predators: the birds, lizards, toads, and such; being wiped out on a mammoth scale by the rapid expansion of The Sprawl. But I'm not a biologist, it is only my speculation.
They would descend in the bright parking lot lights and cover sidewalks and storefronts. It was almost Biblical. I remember myself and my fellow checkers and bag-boys taking turns in front of the store with push-brooms, doing our best to stem the encroaching black tide. But you couldn't stop all of them, there were just too damn many. Some got through. You would find them everywhere, at times in the oddest of places, a single solitary cricket wandering lost and confused.
As they could not be kept out of the grocery store, they could also not be kept out of the Burger King.
And now the point of the story (allowing for the errors of memory and the embellishment of time). . .
One night when Chris was working the drive-thru, a non-favorite but familiar voice placed an order. It was an officer of the local police, grabbing a quick bite. I feel as though we knew this particular officer, possibly because he was one of those who moonlighted as undercover security at the grocery store, or perhaps we had previously made his acquaintance in less than pleasant social circumstances. With the passage of a quarter century or so I am no longer certain.
He ordered some sort of cheeseburger. Now Burger King may advertise that they old-school flame-broil all of their burgers but at least in the 80's they added cheese in a more modern way: the microwave oven.
Chris was preparing this officer's burger. He saw a wayward cricket. There was a slice of cheese and a microwave oven.
Yes, my dear reader, you know quite well where this is going.
Moments later, it was wrapped up and served to one of The Sprawl's Finest.
A "pleasing burger" is what Chris called it. Apparently that scene in 'Waiting' isn't far from the truth.
As far as we know, the officer ate it without noticing, as nothing happened afterwards.
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