bring the noyz

I don't know if I can take it
I'm not easy on my knees
Here's my heart you can break it
I need some release, release, release

- Bono

I don't know, my dear reader, if you have ever spent a month of your life taking care of a seriously sick child. If you have not, I pray you never have to do so.

The Boy is on the mend. While he is not yet completely over his pneumonia he is getting closer to fine. It has been a struggle, and the strain is seriously getting to both myself and The Wife. It is frustrating beyond belief. I count our blessings that every day brings improvement. This weekend has brought the first nights where he has been completely off of the oxygen, and the first nights since this whole mess started in early November where our sleep has not been interrupted by the alarm of the pulse oximeter alerting us to his dropping oxygen levels while he sleeps.

I don't need the damn beeping to remind me that he was really sick. It would take a normally developing child weeks if not months to fully overcome an illness of such severity. When you factor in that The Boy is compromised and has respiratory issues to begin with. . .

And that is where we find ourselves. The Wife and I bicker and sarcastically snipe at each other over the little things. We are fortunate to have the love and support of an amazing network family and friends. Again I thank you, my dear reader, for all that you have done. But still. . .

We are both exhausted and have been pushed to our limits. The situation is complicated by our different ways of coping with the stress.

She needs to withdraw to recharge and I feel an almost codependent need to pull her closer to do the same. Barring that, I just want to chain smoke and drink myself into a stupor. I am unable to do either.

Jesus H Fucking Christ man, it just wears you down.
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