Sunday, October 24, 2004
holy matrimony batman
Friday evening I packed up The Boy and a bag. We travelled 200 some miles up the concrete and asphalt modern American Mississippi to the vast homogenous soul crushing wasteland of The Sprawl. The Wife stayed behind for some respite and for an opportunity to get caught up on her studies.
The ocassion? A wedding. My father's brother's son (aka my cousin) got married on Saturday.
My cousin imported the preacher that performed the ceremony from the land of our anscestors, the land where the tall corn grows. He performed the ceremony with a Bible that once belonged to my dearly departed paternal grandmother.
My grandmother was a very devout and religious woman. She practiced the very conservative Protestant faith her family brought from Germany in the late 19th century. She held deep Christian convictions of helping those less fortunate: the impoverished, the sick, children. She also had an innocent naivete about the world. She never imagined that someone would subvert those Christian virtures for personal profit. Subsequently, in her later years she was swindled out of much of the little money she had by televangelists. The pig sodomizing bastards. Long snuffed anger begins to rekindle at the thought of it.
It was strange holding my grandmother's Bible. I felt closer to her than I have felt since my summer stays at her house as a child.
For some reason that will forever remain unknown, inside the front cover of her Bible, my grandmother had written my name and the address of an apartment I lived in while I was in college. Family speculation is that she wrote it in her Bible because at that time in my life I was not exactly on the path of righteousness and so subsequently I needed lots of prayin'.
True.
During the ceremony the preacherman spoke of three words starting with the letter "c" that he said were the keys to a long and happy marriage:
Commitment - blah blah blah
Compliment - yada yada yada
Complete - something something
I immediately thought of a fourth one and recognized my familial obligation to share this with my cousin at some point during the reception.
As the event was winding down I found myself exiting the men's room as my cousin entered. We were the only people around. "Ah, the perfect time," I thought.
We shared pleasantries and I reminded him of the three words of which the preacher spoke.
"Yes, I remember," he replied.
"Well," I said, "There is a fourth 'c' word, equally, if not more important to a long and happy marriage."
"Yeah, what?"
"Cunnilingus."
His puzzled facial expression answered before his words, "What's that?"
"Ah," I thought, "this marriage is doomed."
_______________
Just kidding. Best wishes and congratulations to my cousin and his new bride.
|
The ocassion? A wedding. My father's brother's son (aka my cousin) got married on Saturday.
My cousin imported the preacher that performed the ceremony from the land of our anscestors, the land where the tall corn grows. He performed the ceremony with a Bible that once belonged to my dearly departed paternal grandmother.
My grandmother was a very devout and religious woman. She practiced the very conservative Protestant faith her family brought from Germany in the late 19th century. She held deep Christian convictions of helping those less fortunate: the impoverished, the sick, children. She also had an innocent naivete about the world. She never imagined that someone would subvert those Christian virtures for personal profit. Subsequently, in her later years she was swindled out of much of the little money she had by televangelists. The pig sodomizing bastards. Long snuffed anger begins to rekindle at the thought of it.
It was strange holding my grandmother's Bible. I felt closer to her than I have felt since my summer stays at her house as a child.
For some reason that will forever remain unknown, inside the front cover of her Bible, my grandmother had written my name and the address of an apartment I lived in while I was in college. Family speculation is that she wrote it in her Bible because at that time in my life I was not exactly on the path of righteousness and so subsequently I needed lots of prayin'.
True.
During the ceremony the preacherman spoke of three words starting with the letter "c" that he said were the keys to a long and happy marriage:
Commitment - blah blah blah
Compliment - yada yada yada
Complete - something something
I immediately thought of a fourth one and recognized my familial obligation to share this with my cousin at some point during the reception.
As the event was winding down I found myself exiting the men's room as my cousin entered. We were the only people around. "Ah, the perfect time," I thought.
We shared pleasantries and I reminded him of the three words of which the preacher spoke.
"Yes, I remember," he replied.
"Well," I said, "There is a fourth 'c' word, equally, if not more important to a long and happy marriage."
"Yeah, what?"
"Cunnilingus."
His puzzled facial expression answered before his words, "What's that?"
"Ah," I thought, "this marriage is doomed."
_______________
Just kidding. Best wishes and congratulations to my cousin and his new bride.
|
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