Wednesday, October 06, 2004
you'd think they'd have the real ones
So the Smithsonian has a new exhibit where they display Abraham Lincoln's handball.
Abraham Lincoln's what? His handball?
Okay, I'm as big a fan of history as the next guy.
Okay, most likely bigger.
But really now, does anyone really care? What else have they got?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lincoln. I know. I know. Freed the slaves, civil war and all that. But it's not like it's a draft copy of the Gettysburg Address or anything. Are we really that close to scraping the bottom of the barrel of American Historical Artifacts? I think most Americans (or at least the ones I know) would rather see George Washington's bong.
I imagine some poor retired Kansas farmer and his wife who saved for decades for their big trip to the Nation's Capital. They're wandering through the hallowed halls of one of the many museums that make up America's History and Culture with some high school kid guide on her summer job as they walk up to a slightly oval wooden bowl shaped thingy in a glass case. The guide begins in her best faux-enthusiastic peppy "Oh God, I can't believe I have to say this and I've already said this three times today and get to say it three more times after this but then I get to go to the mall and get those new cute capri pants at The Gap" way. . .
Abraham Lincoln carved this from a single piece of oak while sitting on the banks of the Illinois River at the age of sixteen. Oak was the preferred substance at that time because oak has a hardness and durability that far surpasses maple or spruce, the other common carving woods of that era and region.
Folklore has it that young Mr. Lincoln was inspired to carve the piece following a school yard boxing match with a classmate that ended with a particularly low blow. It served as Mr. Lincoln's althetic protector for many years, until his election to the Presidency, when he replaced it with the traditional brass athletic protector, or "cup", commonly worn by elected officials and other gentlemen of affluence and authority at that time.
The intricate detailing in the scalloped engraving around the edge makes the piece an excellent example a nineteenth century "cup". The craftmanship in the interior of the piece is quite remarkable. Unlike traditional athletic protectors of both the past and the present, Mr. Lincoln delicately handcarved three connected yet separate compartments. This design insured maximum comfort and support for the various genitalia organs while insuring the safety of the future Mr. Lincolns.
And as you can clearly see from looking at the artifact, Mr. Lincoln was, indeed, a very tall man.
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Abraham Lincoln's what? His handball?
Okay, I'm as big a fan of history as the next guy.
Okay, most likely bigger.
But really now, does anyone really care? What else have they got?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lincoln. I know. I know. Freed the slaves, civil war and all that. But it's not like it's a draft copy of the Gettysburg Address or anything. Are we really that close to scraping the bottom of the barrel of American Historical Artifacts? I think most Americans (or at least the ones I know) would rather see George Washington's bong.
I imagine some poor retired Kansas farmer and his wife who saved for decades for their big trip to the Nation's Capital. They're wandering through the hallowed halls of one of the many museums that make up America's History and Culture with some high school kid guide on her summer job as they walk up to a slightly oval wooden bowl shaped thingy in a glass case. The guide begins in her best faux-enthusiastic peppy "Oh God, I can't believe I have to say this and I've already said this three times today and get to say it three more times after this but then I get to go to the mall and get those new cute capri pants at The Gap" way. . .
Abraham Lincoln carved this from a single piece of oak while sitting on the banks of the Illinois River at the age of sixteen. Oak was the preferred substance at that time because oak has a hardness and durability that far surpasses maple or spruce, the other common carving woods of that era and region.
Folklore has it that young Mr. Lincoln was inspired to carve the piece following a school yard boxing match with a classmate that ended with a particularly low blow. It served as Mr. Lincoln's althetic protector for many years, until his election to the Presidency, when he replaced it with the traditional brass athletic protector, or "cup", commonly worn by elected officials and other gentlemen of affluence and authority at that time.
The intricate detailing in the scalloped engraving around the edge makes the piece an excellent example a nineteenth century "cup". The craftmanship in the interior of the piece is quite remarkable. Unlike traditional athletic protectors of both the past and the present, Mr. Lincoln delicately handcarved three connected yet separate compartments. This design insured maximum comfort and support for the various genitalia organs while insuring the safety of the future Mr. Lincolns.
And as you can clearly see from looking at the artifact, Mr. Lincoln was, indeed, a very tall man.
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