bring the noyz

. . . la la la la

'Tis the season to be jolly

Yes. The Holiday season has officially begun for me. My last day of school was Thursday. I'm off for two weeks to enjoy time with friends and family and all that peace and love and fellowship nonsense that everyone gets so excited about this time of year. I must confess, my dear reader, and as you know me I am sure this comes as no surprise, despite my cynicism about the season I am well known for being quite jolly, year around.

As for my cynicism, well I need only to stop looking at the world through my eyes.

Instead I see the world through the joyful wonder and fascination in the eyes of The Boy as he marvels gleefully at the excitement and decor that surround him. I see it through the warmth and happiness in The Wife's eyes as she talks with her grandmother and in the amazing loving bond and connection I see when she sits and helps The Boy with his Advent Calendar.

'Don we now our gay apparel

Okay. Now wait just a gawddanged minute. That's just wrong. And another example of how the Liberal Hollywood and Media Elite have joined forces with advocates of the Homosexual Agenda to further advance their evil scheme to destroy Christmas.

Before you doubt me, my dear reader, let me reassure you, that just like this Great Journalist, and this Greater One, I serve nothing but double shots of truth straight up in a salt rimmed glass.

I hear your feeble objections, my dear reader, "But Good Doctor Noyz, 'Deck the Halls' is an old traditional English Christmas Carol. It predates both the Liberal Hollywood Media Elite and the Homosexual Agenda by decades, if not centuries."

That's just what the Homosexual Loving Liberal Media Elite want you to believe.

Let's look at the facts:

1) As a song, 'Deck the Halls' was written to be sung, to be performed. Right? Of course I am.

And where did our Society's theater and performance art traditions begin? With the Ancienct Greeks. And if the Ancient Greeks are known for anything, they are known for these two things: their Pagan Idolatry and their Buggery.

2) It's a traditional English Christmas Carol. C'mon now, my dear reader, surely I need not spell this out for you. A traditional English Carol? Sung by the English, originating in what, the Elizabethan or Victorian Eras?

Yeah, now you're getting the picture. We've all seen Masterpiece Theater. That time was just so gay. As further evidence I offer the following example.

I have it on good authority from a friend of a friend who knows this British guy that Jane Austen's most popular tale of love and longing, Pride and Prejudice, was originally written as a story entirely about British sailors with the working title of "Prick in Piece of Ass". It was only after reapeated threats of litigation from the Royal Navy that she reworked into the classic it is today.

I'm joshing you negative.

And really now, "fa la la la la, la la la la"! Go ahead, sing it, with me, fa la la la la, la la la la!

That is just so totally gay.

So be warned, my dear reader. And remain vigilant.

And, if you are so inclined to do so and take no offense at my request, have a Happy Christmas!

Or Happy Hannukah

Or Happy Kwanza

Or Happy Festivus

Or Happy Solstice

Or Happy Whatever you chose to celebrate this time of year.

Just have fun, be safe, and tonight thank God it's them instead of you.
|