Saturday, April 24, 2004
long live rock
Earlier this week my dearest of friends and other half of a once most decadent duo, Cardinal Fang, asked the following:
"Who will save rock and roll?"
This is a very good question.
It has been a long time since the first band vomited in the bar and found the distance to the stage to far.
This man thinks he has an answer:
“This week, Dr. David Thorpe uses the power of scientific analysis to determine which band will be the true savior of rock and roll. Using NASA's top-secret ROCKSTAT technology, Dr. Thorpe has cut through the magazine hype and calculated with unerring accuracy the band which is destined to pull us out of the current musical slump.”
Good Lord Man! Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus! That can not, will not, must not be correct. Surely there has been some mistake.
As many of you know, I am something of an avid affectionado of all things rock.
And roll.
Through a covert contact with an employee of NASA, I was able to trade a small piece of the Columbia shuttle (I obtained from an underground farmer in exchange for a few precious seeds of highly medicinal but legally questionable value) for an illicit copy of NASA's ROCKSTAT software.
After careful analysis, I discovered an error in an obscure algorhythm buried deep within the code. After making the required corrections, and entering the required musical data, much to surprise. . .
ROCKSTAT buzzed and whirred and calculated this band as rock music's savior.
I was flabbergasted and freaked out. I was shocked, stunned, and amazed.
Surely there must be some mistake. This band?
I carefully rechecked the settings on ROCKSTAT and realized that it contained a serious flaw in its programming. You see, dear reader, the ROCKSTAT technology was originally designed in the 1970's. Its creation was prompted by concerns NASA scientists had at that dark time about the proliferation acts like Jackson Browne and The Eagles.
As digital music technology was not in existence at that time, ROCKSTAT was designed to analyze analog music.
I made a few simple adjustments to the software's boolean logic and derivative calculation code to update the software for digital music.
I re-entered the data. . .
Once again, ROCKSTAT beeped, buzzed and whirled. . . until. . .
At last, the answer.
Long live rock, be it dead or alive.
|
"Who will save rock and roll?"
This is a very good question.
It has been a long time since the first band vomited in the bar and found the distance to the stage to far.
This man thinks he has an answer:
“This week, Dr. David Thorpe uses the power of scientific analysis to determine which band will be the true savior of rock and roll. Using NASA's top-secret ROCKSTAT technology, Dr. Thorpe has cut through the magazine hype and calculated with unerring accuracy the band which is destined to pull us out of the current musical slump.”
Good Lord Man! Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus! That can not, will not, must not be correct. Surely there has been some mistake.
As many of you know, I am something of an avid affectionado of all things rock.
And roll.
Through a covert contact with an employee of NASA, I was able to trade a small piece of the Columbia shuttle (I obtained from an underground farmer in exchange for a few precious seeds of highly medicinal but legally questionable value) for an illicit copy of NASA's ROCKSTAT software.
After careful analysis, I discovered an error in an obscure algorhythm buried deep within the code. After making the required corrections, and entering the required musical data, much to surprise. . .
ROCKSTAT buzzed and whirred and calculated this band as rock music's savior.
I was flabbergasted and freaked out. I was shocked, stunned, and amazed.
Surely there must be some mistake. This band?
I carefully rechecked the settings on ROCKSTAT and realized that it contained a serious flaw in its programming. You see, dear reader, the ROCKSTAT technology was originally designed in the 1970's. Its creation was prompted by concerns NASA scientists had at that dark time about the proliferation acts like Jackson Browne and The Eagles.
As digital music technology was not in existence at that time, ROCKSTAT was designed to analyze analog music.
I made a few simple adjustments to the software's boolean logic and derivative calculation code to update the software for digital music.
I re-entered the data. . .
Once again, ROCKSTAT beeped, buzzed and whirled. . . until. . .
At last, the answer.
Long live rock, be it dead or alive.
|
Comments:
Post a Comment
