bring the noyz

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party
-- Robert Earl Keen

Well honestly, no they didn't. Not at all really.

I just think that's about the second best Christmas song ever and I wanted to throw it in, because it's probably a more truthful and honest account of what the danged holiday is about nowadays than any song about some baby being born a couple millenia ago.

The first?

C'mon, man, that's freaking obvious. And no, it's not "Jingle Bells" or "Away in a Manger" or "Silent Night". Those songs are like way ancient old school, they haven't rocked since your great grandparents sung them as kids and even then it's highly questionable whether or not they rocked at all.

Yes, my dear reader, "The Little Drummer Boy" rocks in it's own weird ba rump pum pum pum way, but it's not the one either.

The flat rockin' balls out winner for Best Christmas Song Ever. Period. . .

Father Christmas by The Kinks.

And there still won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime. Um. . . duh, it's fucking Africa.

End of discussion. Now lets move on.

Early yesterday afternoon The Wife, The Boy and I pulled the Family Truckster back into our driveway to conclude a quick trip out west. We travelled to The Wife's hometown, to the odd City-less Sprawl in the midst of The Flatlands. We drove for hours and hours for hundreds of miles. We travelled on country highways through steadily decaying small towns where the dead in the local cemetary outnumber those still living there. Places like Paint Rock and Melvin, We stopped in The Wife's parent's home town of Robert Lee to visit with grandparents.

I gotsta' to tell ya my friend, it's a different world than where we come from.

It is a land where a brand new revolver is given as a Christmas gift with no sense of the incongruency or irony inherent in doing so.

It is a land where, as I heard advertised on the radio, a truck grill guard makes the perfect Christmas gift.

Wow.

While discussing the commercial we heard on the radio, The Wife commented, "I come from a place where a grill guard is the perfect Christmas gift and you come from a place where you get the perfect gift at Neiman Marcus. Yet somehow we managed to find each other."

Yes. Yes we did.

That's the greatest gift of all.
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